Is it selfish to have kids now??

My husband is currently undergoing chemotherapy for brain cancer (surgery was in January followed by 6 weeks of radiation & now a year of chemo- we are 2 months in) and we are seriously considering starting a family fairly soon. We had planned on trying for a family this year any way but delayed until he got through surgery and we could kinda see how things would work out. He is doing very well tolerating his chemo and is practically healed from surgery. We would be unable to get pregnant by conventional methods at this point due to the risk of birth defects caused by the chemo medication but he banked some sperm prior to treatment which we would use to get pregnant via intrauterine insemination.

We have an appoinment later in June to discuss our options with an OB/GYN but my question is more of a moral one and less physical, would we be selfish to have a child right now? Hubby's cancer is grade III (on a scale of I-IV- IV being the worst) so we know recurrance is very likely but at what time & the severity is totally unknown. We don't want to let the cancer dictate our day to day lives and starting a family is something we both want very much. Honestly, I am ok being a single parent down the line if that's what it takes for us to enjoy this time together as a family and fulfill one of our life goals before it's too late.

What do you think? Should we wait? Go for it when we feel the time is right? I would just like any insight & opinions you feel relevant to our situation.




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  • my wife and I had these discussions, to some degree. it really wasn't an option for us while I was undergoing treatment, to be honest. I did not have an opportunity to bank sperm before treatment. I was also told to wait 2yrs before even getting tested.

    but, we have spoken about our situation in light of the circumstances that I've dealt with. I absolutely refuse fertility treatments at this point. if I can't do it naturally, then I would rather adopt.

    but for us, we want to be sure that we are ready for the additional responsibility (and cost) of growing our family. that means we don't even start serious conversations about it until I finish graduate school. that also meant that all conversations were put on hold while I was going through treatment. that process was stressful enough on both of us. why on earth would I ever consider adding a child to that situation?

    I will get some fertility testing done when I am finished with school. if I have even a little bit of fertility left, we will try for a natural pregnancy. for how long we try that, I don't know. but right now, I am healthy and in remission. and we would be ready to take on that change to our lives.
  • mtbikernate;6906 said:
    if I can't do it naturally, then I would rather adopt.
    I understand that and I would be totally open to adoption if we couldn't get pregnant using the 3 "tries" we have in storage and if he is infertile 6 months after he finishes chemo (when we are safe to try & conceive naturally.) In fact I have often thought about adoption even before cancer came in the picture...