Right now I'm feeling really deprssed and lonely. None of my friends understand my situation, many think that since I'm done with chemo everything right as rain again. When I got cancer I found out what I meant to some people and how immature some were. I had a few friends rally to show their support. Others up and decided to never talk to me again. It was really nice getting some visitors when I was in the hospital for a few weeks.
But as the months dragged on people stopped being there for me, stopped being so understanding. And I just felt so lonely and like such a burden to everyone. I still live with my folks, and so one of them would bring me to chemo alternating who it was. Towards the middle and end of it it started getting really stressful for me because they would argue about who should bring me because they had to be at work. Like work was more important than me.
People stopped visiting me at all and I would just lay in bed feeling like I was dying, as I'm sure you all understand.
I was told, when I was diagnosed, that I had the good cancer because it's highly receptive to chemo. Because of this I feel like I can't complain to anyone about it because others have to deal with it worse then me? Because I can be 'cured'. And I have been, just a month ago... So I've always been afraid of talking with others who have cancer because maybe they have it worse then me.
I have one friend, a close friend, who would do stuff for me everytime I had chemo (well, every two weeks she would because that's when I had chemo, though I had two days of chemo in one week). But she stopped doing stuff for me, saying it was stressing her out too much. And I understand. She doesn't have to try and make me feel better like that... However she started getting upset because every chemo week I was too sick to go out and have fun. And so I would always have to say no to some friends. But they didn't really understand at all.
Some people (who don't really talk to me anymore) tried to get me to do too much when we did hang out and so the next day I would be bedridden because I exerted myself too much and they didn't understand how sick I was.
I don't have cancer again (just yet at least), but right now I have pneumonia for the second time since I stopped chemo. And it really sucks. It hurts to breath, to move, to exist. And I'm left feeling lonely again. Because no one can care that much about me, it seems.
Have you suffered similar things? Have you found out just how selfish everyone around you is because of this?
I tried to be a bit more selfish because I'm always trying to make everyone happy, and people got angry at me. It's just not fair.... I'm at risk for so many more health things now and I'm so lonely.
This whole experience has just sucked so bad. I could put up with feeling sick and I could put up with feeling like I was dying. But I just don't understand how people can be so selfish....