I'm 31 and now a mom, wife, and caregiver to my husband 32 years old with brain CA

So my husband and I have been together since high school 16 years now. I've always been a stay at home mom since our daughter was born 8 years ago. Ben has been the sole provider for our family as a diesel mechanic. As of Aug 7th 2010...he now has brain cancer and I'm his wife and caregiver. He's been through surgery, seizures, millions of Dr. appt...which I now have to drive him to everytime, 30 radiation treatments. Our plans went from what we wanted to do and be to we hope Ben lives and now it's all about meds and Dr. appts and MRIs. :/ So we have good days and bad days. I've done things that I never imagined I could handle. As of now 4 months along on this journey...he's just between MRIs basically, seizure meds working most of the time. He is in the bedroom 95% of the day he is tired a lot but depressed. I'm not sure what else I can do...I'm trying it all to cheer him up or to help him in anyway I can. We both are feeling the loss of independence. He wants to drive, not sure he misses working though, but money was nice. We've gotten bills differed and every single state ran assistance. We don't count on it to last and we are waiting to hear from SSD and hope that will help us pay our bills. For now anyway. I'm 31 and uneducated so yeah if I have to go to work to take care of us, just another thing to worry about.

Sorry so long! lol Having our 8 year old daughter go through this is yet another story all together. It's very difficult. She has seen and heard her dad having bad seizures and going off in an ambulance...she's anxious all the time even at school.

I'd love to connect to other wives going through this!


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  • Welcome!

    Hi Autumn ~

    My husband and I met at 16 as well - how funny! We were married at 23, and he was diagnosed at age 31. I was sole caregiver as well. I SO understand the schedule juggling, the emotion burden, trying to be strong for him and having emotions of your own...all of it. I'm now a board member here at i[2]y, and would love to connect with you. Feel free to email me at [email]jowen@i2y.com[/email] or hit me up on facebook (www.facebook.com/jennifer.m.owen). You're going through hell, but we're here for you!

  • Thank you so much Jennifer! So strange how life brings people together this way. I'm thankful for you finding me! :)
  • Jennifer, Autumn - this really is such a coincidence! I also met my husband when I was 16. He's 31 and was recently diagnosed. I've been going to school full time while he works, but everything has become very tumultuous lately, so now I'm just waiting to see where things go. I feel like networking could be really helpful, so definitely feel free to contact me as well (I'm on facebook; http://www.facebook.com/kerachel)
  • Autumn, my wife, Rebekah, has yet to get signed up on this site, but when she does, I know she would love to talk to you. We were married less than 2 years when I was diagnosed. we also had an 11 month old baby girl and she was working full time. I'm new to this site so I will suggest she gets signed up so I can refer this thread to her. I can only imagine the struggles you are dealing with right now. so many times when I was going through treatment I thought about how grateful I was that I was the one who got cancer and not her...just couldn't imagine the one that I loved being in so much pain. I'll get her in touch with you so you have another person to talk to about the things you are going through. Keep your head up!!!
  • Thank you all, I know especially in the scary dark bad times it is all I can do to hold on and sites like these keep me going...knowing that so many people have made it through the bad days. :) THANK U! :) find me on facebook too!
  • Autumn,

    I'm really glad that you and Rebekah were able to chat today! We're praying for your family and are here for you guys! Keep in touch.
  • Hi guys! I just turned 30. My husband was diagnosed in oct a few days before our 2nd wedding anniversary. He was 34 and healthy. It was a fluke they caught it. I was able to hold everything together until about march, and now I am falling apart. I work fulltime as a School Instructional Specialist/Teacher Coach, take care of my husband, my 10 year old son, and also support my 15 year old stepson. Its been bad, and sadly my husband has become a person I do not know anymore. He takes everything out on me, told me he wanted divorce several times, refused to speak with me, all the while I stay stoic. HE was a big strong police officer before cancer so rudely interrupted our lives, now he is just a bitter man. :(
  • Hey Autumn,
    I am 31 as well and although my partner is not sick, my mom had brain cancer when I was 18. If you ever need anything, I am always happy to talk. Are you still having a hard time with all the bills? I just launched a site that specifically helps people fundraise for their cancer costs. I would be happy to help get you set up or answer any questions. It is called Standbuy https://www.standbuy.us
    Good luck!
  • Thank You wow...I wrote this awhile ago~

    2 years out we've been through a lot to say the least!
    Thanks to this great site and meeting some wonderful people...I haven't lost my mind yet!

    Ben has since had another brain surgery this last summer. Now more agressive/he's on chemo for another 5 months for now.

    Thanks~We are living off of Social Security...I'm going to school now & looking for a part time job and home schooling our daughter. Trying to do what feels right for right now! And taking care of it all!