Venting about Venting!!

I dislike how if I feel the need to vent about something cancer related, people don't want to hear it. They want to know I'm "being positive" and "optimistic" and "hopeful." While the immediate concern has now passed me, I still have worries that are cancer related. Like right now, I'm having a really bad cough that is deep in my chest and kinda hurts. It makes me worried that maybe something is starting up there. After all, how many people have beginning signs of cancer due to "a cough"? Lots! So, it only makes sense to me that I'd be a bit worried about it. Especially since I had so much activity around my left lung and that the lung was impacted during everything. I guess I'd rather hear "I'm sure you're fine and everything will be ok" rather than "don't think like that! Keep your chin up! You kicked the crap out of cancer. You're being silly!"

Good thing I only have to wait about 5-6 weeks until my next check up...


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  • akay83akay83 Community Member
    This drives me nuts, too. My family complains that I don't tell them what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling, but I don't because their responses frustrate me so much. There's an incredibly fine line between being optimistic and trying to lift someone's spirits, and between making them feel like their feelings are wrong or unwarranted.

    When I told my mom that I didn't think my treatment would work and that I felt like I was going to die, her response was "No. Just no. You're not allowed to think that." I wanted to smack her. I know she was trying to be uplifting with some tough love, but it just felt like she was invalidating my genuine concerns. All it taught me was that she can't handle hearing how I really feel, so it's better to just keep it to myself.
  • ohh, man, can I relate. when I first started back up with my grad program, I started back fairly gradually, but my adviser was still pushing me a little. it was good for him to do that. it pushed me to do better and start working on getting through the cognitive challenges I (still) have. but it was hard and it was stressful. I was second-guessing whether I'd be able to earn my degree. I still have those moments from time to time.

    a friend who was helpful for awhile pulled the standard "don't be a quitter" and went one better by saying, "you dishonor all of us who helped you through your treatment if you quit now". needless to say, I'm not friends with her anymore. she proved herself the queen of tact by lecturing my wife when she vented to her once about something unrelated at the beginning of the year (the "friend" had TOLD my wife to come to her if she needed to the venting was not uninvited).

    my wife won't talk to her at all anymore. I am not quite that bitter, but I have distanced myself from her.