Hard to listen, or maybe just hard headed

Going thru such a prolonged treatment process I have heard a lot of "you're gonna be fine" or "you'll get thru this".

Am I the only one who feels like that's just what you say to someone in that situation? You don't say "things are looking bad for you" or "you might not make it this time". I don't know if I really expect people to say those things exactly, but I get tired of the past couple years hearing people tell me that everything will be fine. Maybe I'm just pessimistic where I should be optimistic, but after a couple years of fighting I lose sight of "the bright side".

Or when people say "it could be worse", no one ever says "it could be better"

My least favorite having Hodgekin's Lymphoma is since I was first diagnosed I was told "this is the most treatable cancer"... That was before I came out of remission twice, but I still hear it from people that are just hearing my story for the first time.

I appreciate when people tell me I have their support, or something similar to that, but they don't honestly know if I'm going to be OK or not. No one knows for sure.

Comments

  • 3 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • yeah.. i got tired of that and i after a while i just told my doctors to tell me straight up with what my future looks like..."do like your coffee black or with cream?" one of my oncologists told me and i was pretty appreciative that he didnt hold anything back from me.....if i am going to die in a few years dont tell me that i will probably be cured because it just gives me false hope and i dont want/ deserve that.. i want to live the last days of my life doing what ever i wish and trying to finish my bucket list.. i also hate when someone just keeps asking you every other day "how are you feeling?", i appreciate their concern but it also angers me because i am tired of being asked that 24/7 by people.....TREAT ME LIKE YOU USED TO TREAT ME BEFORE YOU FOUND OUT I HAD CANCER, MAKE ME FEEL LIKE NOTHING HAS CHANGED !!...make fun of me, talk s*it to me and tell me dumb stupid jokes!!

    you are not pessimistic, you are just real with yourself and angry that people are not ...

    sorry to rant but i had to let that out
  • Ugh, I hate people who tell me I'm going to be fine. Before I lost my dad to cancer years ago, everyone told me he would be fine. He didn't end up fine, he died 6 weeks after he was diagnosed. As for me, yeah, maybe I'm in remission now but cancer could come back any day. My arm is messed up from my axillary node dissection. I have chemo brain. I have hot flashes daily that make me feel 20 years older than I am. I know people don't know what to say, but telling me I'm going to be fine is like telling me I should just shut up because you're sick of hearing about my health issues. My best friend tells me "I'm sorry you're life sucks so bad" and that actually makes me feel better!
  • I also hate the platitudes people give without thinking.

    however, I do appreciate when people make an effort to stay positive and help me stay positive while keeping in mind what's really going on. don't just say, "it'll be fine" and try to move on to a subject that's less difficult for you to deal with. listen to what's difficult, at least try to understand why they are difficult for me, and THEN try to help me stay positive not by making statements to create false hope but by giving more realistic hopes.