A must-read for anyone living with cancer, as well as caregivers

Hi there,
I just came across this today and I think it would be helpful if everyone in the world would read it... You'll see why.
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407,0,2074046.story

Comments

  • 7 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • Thanks for sharing it. Great way to explain others.one of my friend is in same situation as your mom.
    One must read this story.
  • I just read this the other day! If only this was required reading for every human being.

    Though... I have to admit my own failure. When my boyfriend was diagnosed, I think I overloaded him a lot with my own worry and my need to be reassured-- I needed him to always be texting me, telling me what's going on, etc. I was so full of fear that a day without contact made me insane. I couldn't step back and think, hey, he's going through chemo, maybe he has more important things than emailing you. Now I'm doing a lot better, trying to remember that he's the one with cancer, and it isn't all about my feelings (like it used to be when I was his spoiled princess! haha ;) )
  • mixtapemixtape Community Member
    I just read this too! It seems like it should be really intuitive, but I guess a lot of people don't think this way. I try and give people some slack though. Some people have never been around illness and don't know how to act around it. Also, relationships can be way more complicated than just one person surrounded by neat rings. As an example, I was diagnosed with AML just as my step-dad was starting to lose his battle with COPD. Being an only child, that meant my mom was suddenly left alone, shuttling between 2 hospitals to care for 2 very ill people by herself. I absolutely didn't mind her "dumping" things on me, cause even though I was the one getting the treatments, she (the only healthy person left) was the one who was probably struggling the most with the situation.

    But anyways, I do like what the author is getting at with this article! And eglantine, don't be to hard on yourself! You're doing your best to support him through a difficult time. We're here to be your "outer circle" if you need it.
  • I think that is the best way to explain it. I love this theory and wish that everyone had to read it. I am the center ring right now and people are dumping right on the next ring. I've even had a few people tell me things about how they would be doing this and that if they were going through this right now. its driven me nuts. I think I'm going to carry this article around with me.
    And I feel for your mother "mixtape" my best friend was in a similar situation. that is a hard place to be and its really good that she had you. not everyone could have handled that. but if you are currently the only center ring in your life there are some things that just shouldn't be dumped on you.
  • DadDad Community Member
    Well written simple explanation of what should be obvious. Problem is that when crisis comes- clear thought can ,at times, be in short supply.
  • Thanks for sharing your story here. I really got admire by this story & got the strength to fight against my cancer. 
  • This is really good!  Thank you for sharing!  I have a person, who may be in a third ring or so, who is always calling/texting me telling me how sad MY cancer makes them.  I usually get these calls on my good days, which sucks.  I have often felt obligated to cater to this person's feelings, then pissed off once I've done it.  I've posted this article to my FB.  I hope they read it.  I really hope they GET IT!  Thanks again!