Affecting my life, feeling down about myself.

My name is Megan and I am 25 years old. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer last September. After having two LEEP procedures, my doctor cleared me of having cancer, but when I went for my post op check up a little while ago they found more suspicious tissue and I had a cold knife procedure on Monday. :( So I'm healing from that right now.

I'm having a really hard time dealing with this. I have had problems with anxiety and depression in the past, but this has really got me stuck. I feel like I'm a car spinning my wheels in the mud, going nowhere. I've had to withdraw from school because I can't focus and I'm just so apathetic. I feel like I should be able to go about my life as usual, like this shouldn't affect me as much because my cancer isn't ~that bad~ (in my mind). I haven't had chemo or radiation, I'm stage one. My outlook is good. But I can't just shake the feeling of unfairness, worry, depression, and anxiety. I almost feel like my feelings aren't legitimate and I just end of feeling guilty because I feel I should feel happier, lucky, etc. Lucky that I found it early, lucky that I'm probably going to be okay and that I can probably still have children.

Hopefully this procedure works because the next step is a hysterectomy.

I've started seeing a therapist to work on my issues, but I guess I'm just reaching out because I have (luckily) never experienced anyone close to me having cancer and I don't know if these feelings are normal or not. I guess I don't feel entitled to feel the way I'm feeling. I feel overwhelmed and I'm shutting down. Not taking care of the important things (school, being financially irresponsible, avoiding people). I've lost a lot of patience with people and things in general.

I just wish I could feel normal again.