Is it wrong for me to be thinking about it so soon?

I just had a allogeneic bone marrow transplant about a month ago, and have a few months to go before I'm "in the clear"... but what goes thru my head way too often is the thought of having a girlfriend, or someone to spend my time with. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling like this, that I should focus on getting better. And who would want someone sick like me, a constant burden back and forth to the hospital for the past 4 years. But I'm 28, I have no kids, and can't now because of all I've been thru I'm sterile. So I think who would want me, but at the same time I think, isn't it too soon for me to even be asking that question?


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  • Don't be too hard on yourself!

    I don't think it's too soon at all to think about it, but you should take it easy. Of course you wanna get to back to regular life as quickly as possible, but a transplant is a big deal, and you won't be able to date much if you push yourself and end up back in a hospital bed! :) Maybe you could start by chatting with girls online. That way, you can be really transparent about your situation, and you can put off physical dates for a while.

    But remember that you're still the same guy you were before the transplant (err, except some new DNA, lol!). My boyfriend is looking for a donor now for an allogenic BMT, and I feel impatient, too. I wanna go out and do things with him again, and touch him again. I think the most frustrating part is that, because we're so young, it seems like we're missing our youth. But it's important not to rush it. We're all young here, and while it feels like we're getting old (haha), we have plenty of time for romancing after we make sure our bodies are ready. :)

    (and don't worry about the fertility thing so much. While it's a deal breaker for a lot of girls (I used to think it was one for me), many girls don't want kids, already have kids, or are open to adoption/sperm donation. It's NOT the nail in your dating life coffin.)
  • karleekarlee Community Member
    I know this is a little belated, but I just wanted to say that I think you should do what's right for you. I wanted to be with someone even during my treatment, and have put myself out there since completing.. I'm still single and that's 4 years ago I finished treatment. I don't think it's ever too early to just start putting feelers out you know?

    Also, I'm a stem cell transplant nurse (have been for 3 years), so I know exactly what happens during and post BMT, and how hard it can get for you guys. I have seen some bad stuff, probably the worst it gets, and if it makes you feel any better, I would date someone who's been there. To get through a transplant and what comes later takes such a huge amount of courage and strength, an amazing girl would see that and love you more for it :)

    If you want to talk about anything with a cancer survivor and BMT nurse, just send me a message :)