Why does it feel like everyone our age is either getting engaged, married, pregnant, or getting their "dream job" and we have cancer?


  • 3 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • I have this same feeling; many of my friends are getting married and getting pregnant, having kids. It sucks. I feel like im stuck on the side of the road so to speak. I was the maid of honor in my friends wedding last fall, all the while I kept quiet about the surgery I was going to have a month after. Just so I wouldn't spoil her day.Then from that surgery, I found out I had cancer.

    I think because we are young, more of our peers ARE getting married and having kids. Just a fact of statistics. And we are just stuck in a groove, unable to move til we are done with treatment or given some sort of all clear to proceed with living. I've been asking myself the question of "when's my life supposed to restart." My last chemo treatment (hopefully) is next Friday. Do I get to restart life after that? How do I do that? *sigh*

    Sorry, this reply is a little all over the place. But I know how you feel. :)
  • cancer catches all of us at some point, so it is reasonable to think it might catch some folks before they get to start those typically "adult" things.

    As for me, I was able to do some of those things before I got sick. I got married, bought a house, and started grad school. But cancer showed up before I could finish grad school, before I could have any kids, before I could find my "dream job". It delayed all of those things, and maybe made it impossible for me to have kids.

    But I'm not going to let cancer get me down about those things for very long. It was difficult, but I finished my master's degree in December. The bound copy of my thesis actually arrived in the mail just two days ago. What a feeling of accomplishment, after having beaten cancer! There were times I thought I wouldn't be able to make it, for sure. Thankfully I had supportive people around me. My adviser was understanding, too, and let me work at my own pace to get it done.

    Now that I have my degree, I'm moving on to other things. I have a part time job and am preparing some of my thesis work for publication in a real journal this summer. I've been getting out and networking, handing out resumes, and that sort of thing trying to find a job I can settle into for a career. My wife and I haven't really addressed fertility yet. To a degree, a little more time might be better for that, as my oncologist has told me. So we're not in a huge rush. We want to get our housing situation figured out better before we start on that. But you know what? If I'm not fertile anymore, we are both perfectly okay with adopting.

    But yeah, cancer put ALL of that on hold for quite a few years. I had to play the waiting game while I was getting treatment, too. Just focus on getting better and being an ornery cuss about your cancer.
  • I was able to do a lot of things already- married my best friend, had kids, bought a house, etc. But cancer is preventing me from experiencing some things I had been looking forward to for years. My oldest is starting high school this year and my youngest is starting kindergarten. I was too sick from chemo to attend registration for either of them. I am no longer in control of whether I have another baby- I can't. A family trip that's been in the works for 2 years has to be cancelled. My husband has had to turn down promotions because it would require him to travel and with me sick he cannot do that. He can't relocate for work for the same reason. So not only am I missing out on things but the 3 most important people in the world to me are also missing out on amazing opportunities.

    My middle daughter died in 2002 from a brain tumor- she was 20 months old. She lost her life and I lost a child, her future, grandchildren...Cancer affects not only the person who has it but also the lives of everyone who loves them.