Trying to hold it together

My name is Julie and my boyfriend Travis has been fighting bone marrow cancer for the past two years. He has been doing maintenance therapy the past few months in an effort to keep the cancer at bay and let him have a break from therapy and hospitals. That lasted a few months, today we checked him into the hospital to do another intense round of therapy. I have been trying to keep it together as best as possible but man is it hard! What I really want to do is curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out, tears are always on the surface and spill out at any given time. I am scared out of my mind of losing him that thought has been nagging at me too much lately. we are way too young to be dealing with this, cancer really sucks!!!!!! I hope I can just hold it together for him, I need to be strong for the both of us right now. Everyone always tells us "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". If that's true I should be Super Woman by now!!!!! I know we aren't the only one's going through this, any words of wisdom is welcomed and appreciated! Thanks for listening, good night. -Julie


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  • What doesn't kill you, really fucking sucks! Julie i really feel you, and I am so sorry. What you and your boyfriend are going through is horrible. Sometimes you need to break down just to release. I think tears, screams and naps under dark blankets are tools of strength. I found it helpful to take a15 minutes a day to my self and break in anyway i needed. it helped me to come back to my partner with the energy he needed. You are are doing a good job, just be kind to yourself and loving to your boyfriend. big hug to you and your boyfriend xoxoxo
  • It's only been a few months since my boyfriend's diagnosis (leukemia), but I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I find there are good days and bad days. Some days I just feel so hopeless, like I'm sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Some days I can barely make it through work without spending time crying in the bathroom. There are days where I'm overwhelmed by how incredibly unfair it is, how young we are, how different everything is now.

    But there are good days, too. No matter how hard it gets, every moment I can spend with him is a moment I cherish. I cry a lot. I spend a lot of time in my thoughts, just crying and talking to myself or a friend/therapist. But at the end of the day, I don't regret my choice to stay with him, and I bet you don't regret your choice either.

    We're not perfect! We can't be perfect support machines. We have our own challenges and our own fears, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's natural to have ups and downs. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can message me anytime.