i miss the carefree snuggle

i really miss holding my sweetness without being scared that I will find a lump. I miss the myth of a guaranteed long life.I love him so much, he is done with treatment. we go back for disease assessments in august. so the water is calm and we can bank lots of good days.


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  • Ugh, yes... I live far away from my partner now (he's at a good hospital far away, that can also handle his stem cell transplant), but when we meet I wish we could just... relax. There is no cuddling, no kissing, no intimacy. We can't even touch, in the simplest ways, because his immune system is so compromised and his mother is so fearful. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy without even the tiniest amount of intimacy. I understand why, but... I miss the days when we'd spend hours just cuddled up together, or the times when we could hold hands in the car, ruffle each other's hair (not that he has any hair left, haha).

    For me this is the biggest line of demarkation between our life 'pre-diagnosis' and 'after diagnosis'.