14 days in the Hospital and counting

So this sucks. I went to the doctors on March 27th because I thought I had a cold, next day was admitted to the ER, then the hospital and diagnosed with ALL. I've been in here for 14 days now, and have 19 days left of the in-patient treatment plan. At least the nurses are awesome. Food sucks though. I think I miss sushi the most.

It hasn't hit me that I'm fighting cancer, everything has just kind of whizzed around me I didn't get a second to process results. It was seriously, I went to the ER for blood, they took blood, dropped the bomb, and admitted me from there. When does it finally hit you?

I also feel like I should cry more, but I'm just kind of zen about it - might be the anxiety medicine though. It also sucks not having anyone who gets it. I'm the youngest on the floor - 25 - and my parents and friends while are great just don't get it. I'm mostly frustrated with the lack of freedom, and that this is my life for at least the next two years.

Just trying to reach out and make a connection - bridge the gap and find someone else in similar shoes - er socks.


  • 4 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • MattyRMattyR Community Member
    Welcome and nice to meet you. The 'this is real' moment was about 4 weeks after my diagnosis, and about 10 days after surgery. I'd been surrounded by family/friends the entire time, but this was my last day in hospital, and at that moment, I was alone as everyone had gone to get food. By oncologist came by with a bunch of information about my diagnosis/prognosis. And I started reading survival statistics. Bam! First time I cried in the whole process. Don't do that by yourself. Anyway, 6 years later, still fighting, halfway through 6 weeks of radiation. It does get easier in many ways. Totally different kind of cancer, but let me know if you want to correspond, always happy to exchange email or text.
  • mrunalmrunal Community Member
    HiC ourtney! Nice to meet you. :) Gotta love those socks!! And the stupid hospital gowns... I always feel like I'm part of the cast of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest when I'm in them.. Anyways, everyone's different when it comes to realizing what's going on with you. When I was first diagnosed with a neurocytoma I think I cried a handful of times. I spent my days being pretty zen about things. The psychologist mentioned something about me being in shock and to help progress the emotions I should look in the mirror and tell myself what I have, which didn't help. What did help was taking pictures while I was in the hospital to look at when I got home. And the being home away from the wonderful, caring nurses is what made me realize that this is real and it is a part of my life. I actually have to remind myself that I have an inoperable brain tumor every now and then so that I don't conveniently forget and then get traumatized if the status of the tumor changes..

    And, yes. Hospital food sucks!! I think I lived off of pb & j, smoothies, and lots of cantaloupe when I was in the hospital (I'm a vegetarian). But, 19 days will go by fast. I watched a lot of cartoons when I was in the hospital. It kept my mind in a happy spot.

    Keep your head up! And if you feel like crying, then cry. Just remember that people on this forum know to some extent how you feel cuz we've all been there..
  • Hey Courtney, I know exactly what you're feeling! When I was 25 (2 years ago), I also was unexpectedly diagnosed with ALL. It all happened so fast and I had no time to process what was going on. I too was super zen about the whole thing, just keeping a positive attitude through most of it. It all started when I went to the eye doctor, and found out I had a hemorrhage in my eye. The doctor said it was bizarre, I'm too young, blah blah blah, so she ordered me to get some blood work done. Next thing you know, they're calling me, asking me to check myself in to the ER immediately. I had NO CLUE what was going on... and like you said, they drew blood again, and bam, dropped the bomb! I had no clue how to feel, what to think... I think I was probably in shock.

    I definitely can relate to what you're going through... it's all so fresh still, for me. Please, please don't hesitate to reach out to me!! Send me a message, and we can exchange contact info! I hope you are hanging in there, and I know nothing I say will make you feel better, but just know that here you can definitely find people who understand what you are going through. *Keeping you in my thoughts; sending you positive vibes*
  • matt1930matt1930 Community Member
    Ok banned from one site for asking this I don't know why, but something has been on my mind I'm not a Dr or scientist but Do cancer cells produce certain chemicals, proteins, etc that can be identified? It would make sense that they do and if so could we not create a retrovirus to target those cells producing those markers a kill them and if it worked to administer a cure to the virus after it did it's job