When it all becomes too much

It seems as if everything is becoming too much. Between my mom fussing at me to keep fighting, and my little brother always giving me something in hopes my 'owie' goes away, my doctors sticking me with more needles than I probably have in my lifetime, and teachers or tutors bothering me about what pi times fourty over the cosine of six is. I'm getting overwhelmed with everything, and I really feel as if it's all hitting me so fast. I am feeling worse and worse as time goes bye, and I want to give up on it all; but I can't talk to my mom as she's already on end, and I can't talk to doctors or the pediatric counselor here because she's gonna tell the doctors and amp up on more medicine to make me sedated and confused as to why I'm in the hospital like last week.This is all working on me, and I feel I'm at my 'boiling point' as my mother puts it when I do something stupid. I just want to go outside, play soccer like I used to when in remission, go to amusement parks, and just have fun. I want to be a kid again, and not locked in a hospital room hooked to breathing machines, and to machines to deliver my medicine and all these other machines. I just really want to live life, and if it means in the process I... go. Then let it be. I am a kid only once, and people go every day. From being sick and just straight up accidents in cars or fires. It's normal and the life and death cycle happens. I just want to go and be my age, and not worry about anything. No worries, no issues, nothing. And it seems as if I can't do that because everyone is so concerned about my well being, even though it hurts me. I can't take this anymore... how does everyone else deal with this? The feeling of everything being too much to handle? The wanting to live a life like other people? I really need help.

Comments

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  • nellie967nellie967 Community Member
    Is want you to know you are not the only person feeling this way. In my case I was diagnosed in January and IRS been hospitalizations and doctors visits and pain and the loss of my lung, so I can't do he things i want to. And now I start chemo. There are times that I thought the same things. Im older than you so it is the stress of my high stress job and guilt about have to give my dog to my parents. That I'm an adult who can't takes are of themselves. But, you have to remember it will pass. And it sounds cliche, but I work with mental health patients. The key to having those feelings lessen is having the faith to tell someone. What we both feel is normal and don't be afraid it speak up. We can only advocate for ourselves.
  • Totally normal Jack. I get frustrated like this all the time. Still do even after reaching remission. When I get that way I talk about it wherever I can and vent and it's great that you've found somewhere to do that - right here. When it did get tough and when I did get pissed off I always looked at the big picture. That all of this was to allow me to live a normal life afterwards. And that gave me a sense of direction. When those feelings would come up and overwhelm me - I realised that the pissed off feeling - the frustration wasn't helping me at all. All it was doing was harming me, stopping me from getting back to normal. Haev a look at this reflection I put up in regards to this frustration and how I dealt with it: http://nikhilthegrizzlybear.blogspot.com.au/2013/11/frustration.html
    I'm here to talk buddy. Just joined the forums not sure how/if you can IM on this but you can find me through the blog and I'm happy to chat.