Ashamed of me?

I am a two time brain tumor survivor. I had a recurrence last summer and have since completed 8 months of treatment (7wks chemo +rad, 6 months of chemo). Tonight is my last night actually (YAY!). I started dating a wonderful guy in January. He's been so supportive, didn't run off when I told him my DX or that I was still in treatment, has come to doctors apts and MRIs, even started running when j wanted to do a 5k for the Natl brain tumor society (he is not a runner). He's been full steam ahead since I met him so naturally I was surprised when he told me a few weeks ago that he hasn't told his family about my cancer yet (we both moved to where we are now from other states so meeting the parents has been delayed). He says he wants to wait to tell them until the meet me so they can't make some sort of judvement before then I guess but he also said he wants to be able to tell them that I "had" brain cancer and that "its all over now". I think for the most part with my friends and family I put on a very brave face. I don't like other people to worry about me and Idont want them to think I worry. With him though I want to be truthful. Sure I don't spent my life worrying about the future and I live my life as normally as possible but its impossible not to think about it sometimes and whenever I bring it up he's willing to talk to me about it but is quick to reassure me that " everything's OK, its over now". How do I get him to understand that this isn't just something that can be covered up and hidden by a headband(which I will have to wear when meeting his family since i still lack a significant amount of hair up there). I think he does understand to some degree that this will be with me for the rest of my life but I hate that I feel like I have to hide it from his friends and family. He got me beautiful flowers for my last night of chemo and when I asked if I could "tag" him in a picture of them on Facebook (w the explanation that they were last night of chemo flowers) he didnt want to be tagged in the post. I hate to keep bringing up this conversation with him because I don't want him to think that I worry about my next recurrence constantly (which I don't) but I don't want to ignore the fact that its a possibility. He is already talking about "us" far in the future (I said he was full steam ahead from the beginning) and I like the idea but I have a hard time planning things too far in the future. Ugh. Advice?

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  • MattyRMattyR Community Member
    Brain tumor survivor as well; first diagnosed in '08, had a recurrence this past November. I'm single now, but I had a girlfriend when I was first diagnosed. She didn't want me to discuss my illness on social media, because she wanted to compartmentalize things - she didn't want people at school/work asking how I'm doing, constant reminders, etc. In hindsight, that really sucked for me. Cancer is very isolating as it is, and it this past time around, it was really helpful to be very open about it and to let people in. Have you asked your BF what's going on in his head? It's difficult to really see his perspective as a non-survivor and as a non-parent.