Too Young to be Terminal

I know everyone's biggest fear is that their partner won't win the fight against cancer, but wtf do you do when the doctors have already told you that there's no winning?

My husband was diagnosed with cancer in January, had his foot amputated in February, and found out that it had spread to his lungs in March. Our daughter was born on a Friday at the end of March, he started chemo the following Monday and was in and out of the hospital almost all of April with extreme nausea and vomiting only to find out that the treatment didn't work.

It didn't. Freaking. Work. Now surgery to remove the tumors in his lungs is no longer an option, which means that the cancer will kill him. They don't know how long he has left or anything, just that it's more than a year. He's really struggling, as anyone would, but it just seems so be in your 30s, married for barely over a year, with a baby girl you're worried you won't get to see grow up.

I know that a lot of young cancer patients/survivors and their partners struggle with infertility, but let me tell you, having a baby brings a whole different set of struggles. He gets so sad about missing milestones and worrying that she won't remember him. I get sad about it too. I don't want to do this without him.

I just feel like I've been blindsided by the suck that is cancer. Having a baby is hard enough on its own, you know? I have a whole list of things in my life that suck so much right now, and there's really no end in sight.


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  • NYCguyNYCguy Community Member
    Sorry to read this. My father passed away from lung cancer suddenly and then I was diagnosed with hodgkins lymphoma a few years later...I was undergoing treatment when my first son was born. He just turned 2 last week. I really dont know what to say. Having a baby is hard enough on its own...i feel for you. I cant imagine being in his shoes...or yours.
  • I recently read a book; Radical Remission. It is about terminally ill cancer patients taking their health into their own hands and living complete and full lives. It was recommended to me by my homeopathic doctor. (He also recommends I take bi-weekly injections of mistletoe along with conventional treatments, supplements and diet changes to manage my diagnosis.) I know it sounds a little 'out there' but I found the book interesting and it definitely gave me hope.
  • Wow, that is rough. I understand how it feels - like life is greater than great and then this suckage occurs. How is anyone ever prepared for this? My partner is sick and I am realizing all I can do is be there for him. That's all he wants. I'm very blessed for that simple fact, to be able to hang out.