It Can't All Be Life And Death

I've been in and out of treatment for about three years. In March, I completed six rounds of chemo and I am hopefully finished. I'm taking mistletoe shots (homeopathic remedy) and having scans every four months to monitor. "No measurable disease," on the last scan.
Last year, between radiation and chemo, I got married! We've been together for eight years before that now and we are very supportive of each other. My husband works in the restaurant industry and is opening stores around Maryland. He has been away a lot recently. I am afraid if we don't spend time together now, we won't get a chance to. If we don't adopt a child soon, we will never have a family. We will miss our chance to live our life together. He is doing the best he can and is working so hard to help create the life we want. Lately it doesn't feel like we are in it together.
Mostly, I just feel lonely. I used to be full of life and energetic. I used to be the first person you would call to help plan your birthday party or to have a girls night in. But, my 'friends' stopped coming around when I couldn't hang out with them. I guess it was a lot to handle and I did push them away. My family is very big and loud and around all the time. They just want me to be happy and healthy. They try their best to be supportive, but it's hard for them to understand how I feel. I just want someone I can really talk to. Someone that I can have fun with. Someone that won't feel sorry for me or judge me. I feel very lucky and I just want to move forward. It's hard to move forward alone. It's hard to make new friends as an almost 30 year old recovering from cancer treatment. I looked into going to some support group meetings, but the people I've met through cancer groups have been really depressing and very judgemental. One girl didn't want to exchange contact information with me because, at the time, I had a fiance and a full head of hair and she didn't.
I guess I'm looking for any ideas or suggestions/advice?! I know I need to help myself here. I need to figure out how to make myself happy and find people I can connect with. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Comments

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  • kmusialkmusial Community Member
    I reconnected with a friend I used to be close with thru Facebook. Since I was diagnosed I couldn't stand hanging out with most of my current friends because it seemed like I'd have to give a report of how I was doing each time we talked or I'd get "the poor you" look. I think it helps that she wasn't there when I was first diagnosed and starting treatment. Good luck. I completely understand what you are saying.
  • I totally understand what you're feeling and thinking. I'm 31 and a year out of treatment for cervical cancer. I love my friends dearly and everyone was so helpful and supportive during my year of treatment. However, the trouble is now I just feel so alone...I'm still me, but I am changed a bit too. And none of my friends really "get it". I don't want my friends to still be worrying about me either. So I would love to find new friends who do "get it" and can relate to me and like me for who I am, post cancer.
    I think going to next year's CancerCon in Denver is a good idea. I'm really considering it myself. It looks like everyone really enjoys themselves there and makes awesome connections. That's exactly what we need!!! And connecting with fellow cancer patients in all stages sounds like a dream come true. I know no one my age dealing with the issues I'm dealing with. So for me, looking forward to next April is a good thing.