Wait and watch....Pleeeaassssseee Stop saying that!

So I've had brain cancer for about two years now in three different places in my brain, stage two. All I hear each time is wait and watch while the tumor grows. I know its in the place where it controls your physical motions and its a dangerous place to go in an do surgery or chemo. But its SO hard to see each time on that MRI that its still growing (the other two aren't growing [yay?] but they are there. front left "size of a golf ball", right side "size of a golf ball"[growing], and front right "size of a pea") But now I have a flare! or something on my tumor that slightly grows and they say it could be changing into a higher degree of cancer or just a inflamed nerve or just nothing. They "don't know, just wait and watch". gahhh! Why?? if not Cancer, having some speech problems, an not always being able to understand things until latter (I'm slow or at least I'm making up a excuse) lets throw in finding a medication for seizures without memory loss, making you go extra slow, and giving me more acne. Yes acne, if not being 17 with some acne then having really bad breakouts all over your face, back, neck and chest. you practically want to stay home all day.( I'm only 5% of people that breakout due to this specific medication.) So people stare at my acne then if I pull my hair back into a ponytail they can see my scar which I don't care I'm proud that I went through brain surgery, but when people get all awkward and don't know what to say when you walk up because they know you have cancer. You feel like a odd ball just be normal people!! I'm still the same person I was! Just now we know I have cancer, I probably had cancer my whole life just didn't know it. You just know my secret so to make this more awkward what's yours? Then I feel like I'm growing apart from my best friend since I was little on top of all this. just everything seems to be exploding at the same time. When a doctor gives you the Wait and watch you almost feel like a person being given a death sentence you don't know when it'll be time but its might be sooner than you know or later. You don't know. Yes we all die some day but I rather not know when or how. Or if I do know when then let it be 30 years down the road. I still have plans! I haven't even gone to college yet. I don't even know if I'll be able to go.
sorry for exploding about all of this but I needed to let it out :)


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  • I have always figured that's what these forums are for - a safe place to vent! :) I know what you're talking about too... "Wait and Watch"... that is the hardest part for me! When I was first diagnosed with melanoma (skin cancer) they just did surgery to remove it and then since nothing showed up in scans there was nothing to do but wait and see if it came back. Which, unfortunately, a couple years later it did. Now it seems like after every treatment I have I get a scan which doesn't show any changes one way or another so I am always stuck waiting for another scan so they can decide what to do with me next. I know I should be happy it's not growing or spreading very quickly but waiting for scans is no fun and I wish one of these treatments would actually make it go away! Sorry, no real advice for you... Just hang in there and do your best to enjoy what you can.