Does that make me weird?

In a few weeks I'll be done with my treatment for (ALL)Leukemia and I'm not happy or excited. I know I should be jumping for joy, but thinking about it gives me anxiety :( and I kind of have this feeling of not wanting it to end :-< what is wrong with me?

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  • Absolutely nothing is what is wrong with you. The sucky part about what you have gone through is that there is a routine and a familiarity that develops around it. As long as you are undergoing treatment, it feels like you are kicking ass and killing the disease (at least this was how I felt).  Once you're done with treatment, at least for me, there was that fear of the unknown and what happens next. If only 'going home' was as easy as they make it sound. My PET scan tech told me he has even heard of cancer patients dealing with PTSD symptoms when all was said and done.

    I am nearly a year and a half out of treatment, and I still get anxiety about the unknown from time to time. In many ways, being cured was scarier for me than getting treatment, which sounds absolutely insane, but that was how it was. There was a weird comfort in the limbo that was chemotherapy for me. But the thing that kept me going was knowing that there was a future out in the world for me and if I kept cowering in the shadows I would spent the rest of my days watching others from the dark.

    I wish you the best of luck in your finally days of treatment. Kick some ass and take some names.



  • I think its okay your feeling a bit of anxiety. I have the same feeling when i have my oxygen tanks removed.
    I think you think that your safer with treatment, i do. Its appropriate to feel fear i i believe
  • ncarlinncarlin Community Member
    I know that when I got done with treatment I had anxiety and even a little depression.  I didn't feel anything like normal (whatever that was supposed to be lol) and no one understood that I was still going through many things even though I was done.  I still have scanxiety and there are certain foods I can't eat without tasting that chemo taste.  I make a point not to look at the day of my upcoming appts. after I have made all the arrangements because I start having dr office dreams.  Somehow my body still knows because I will start having dreams then I go to see when my appt. is and it's within a couple of weeks.
  • @CatchMeYes Yes, in a way I do feel safer. And it's like I'm so used to the same routine every day and now all of that is about to change. I'm trying not to stress about it lol
  • Lol I know exactly what you mean, I have dreams about it too. And nobody understands how I feel (except people that have been through treatment) and it's so annoying to try and explain to them why I feel this way. I'm trying to keep positive. @ncarlin i hope those dreams stop because I know it can be a lot
  • Im glad you can come to terms with things. I just got discharged and i was getting anxiety cause i wasnt going ti have Protonix prescriped lol
  • there is a book about this, and i have experienced it too. it is about breast ancer but i guess it does not matter. i highly recommend it http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1052341.After_Breast_Cancer