Finding out you may have cancer..... Again


Look I know life isn't always sunshine and puppy dog kisses. I know trials will happen.
At the moment I feel like finding out out you may have cancer the second time, seems a lot scarier than the first time.
I was diagnosed with stage III Colon cancer, December 2010. I was 18 years old, and to be honest it wasnt a big deal. I was completely cool about all of it. My mom was the one freaking out. I didn’t let the negative news get to me.
Now I am 23 years old newly married to a crazy red neck, just  began a new career as a welder, and enjoying my new home in Colorado.
However, since the surgery in 2010, I have had terrible stomach pain. Over the years the pain has intensified, the doctors cannot figure out why. After several scans they found something, but not causing my pain but something to start paying attention to. They found two nodules in my lungs and one nodule in my stomach. Which I know that's not a big deal, and to tell you the truth it doesn't bother me.
My husband on the other hand is not handling the news well. He is very protective of me, when he heard the news it just shattered his world. The doctor was trying to tell him there is a chance it could be benign, but he was not hearing any of that. I have never seen any body that upset before, just over the word cancer.
Its been a couple of weeks since we found out the news. It is still a touchy subject in the house. I dont want to tell him when I dont feel well because it causes him to worry. We are now waiting on a biopsy, but my medical insurance is making it difficult. After fighting with my medical insurance I will finally have a consultation in July.
Now that the thought of maybe having cancer again is etched in my brain. I unconsciously worry about every ache and pain I have now and it is driving me mad. I'm still trying to not let the negative affect my happiness. But it seems a lot different when you have somebody in your life that you want to be with forever. And the thought of that being altered is a lot harder then I ever imagined. When I wasn't married it was a lot easier to talk myself in to being happy. But its hard when the love of my life hears the word cancer and starts to tear up. Its hard to stay positive in that kind of situation.
I feel like this whole ordeal has strengthened our relationship. I feel like not only do we cuddle more, we communicate a lot better now. Which is a great thing, and will definitely be needed in the next couple of months. So that is a positive side.
I will say this, I wouldnt want to go through this trail with anybody else but my husband. We use each other to stay positive. I know things dont look bright right now, but we will make it through this. There is no doubt in my mind.

Stay Golden pony boy! :D

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