I was diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkins Lymphoma 3 months ago, and I'm already halfway through my chemo treatment. When I was first diagnosed, everyone kept coming to me and telling me to stay strong and to let them know if i needed anything. I didn't understand. Because it really wasn't that bad. Sure, I felt achey and had a lot of side affects from the chemo. Plus i was so tired all the time, my hours at work had to be significantly reduced to 'on call'. I am also technically in menopause at age 22 from a shot they gave me to shut down my ovaries so when this is all over, i might still be able to have children of my own. So I get all the fun symptoms of menopause too. Sometimes I'm real grumpy, I feel like I'm in an oven half of the time, my metabolism has slowed considerably and I've gained 20 pounds,
But NOW i understand why everyone said "Stay strong". Because out of nowhere, this became unbearable.
My body is reacting well to the treatments. I am in almost complete remission and I still have 4 months of treatment left. I will definitely survive this. And I've been told the likelihood of the cancer ever returning is minimal. But somehow that doesn't make it any better. For some reason I can't ever stop crying. I feel like everything is falling apart. I want to be strong and beat this and do it with my head held high, but instead I am letting my cancer beat ME.