My cancer isn't even listed...

I had anal cancer.  It wasn't even listed on the pre-printed diagnostic forms at the oncologist.  

And I know I'm older than a lot of people in the 'stupid cancer' world... I was 36 when I was diagnosed (summer 2014), and I just celebrated my "1 year ago I finished treatment" anniversary.    But who else am I supposed to turn to?  Most people who get this cancer are in their 60s, or they are HIV positive.  Not me.  I just had a "lucky" freak convergence of risk factors... and one stupid cell that decided to say "fuck you" to the rest of my body.  

Don't get me wrong!  I'm unbelievably thankful for every day!  And I'm thankful that it was caught at an early stage (2) and that it was curable!  

But I don't know... now what?!  I'm single... never married... no kids... 5 frozen eggs in a facility somewhere... who knows what will happen with that...

It's just a little isolating, I guess... I don't know anyone else who had my cancer.  

And now it's over, so to speak.  I go for my next 3 month checkup this week.  But there really is no getting back to normal... it's about defining a new normal?  I don't know... I just know I'm a totally different person now, even though I'm exactly the same... does that make sense?  

Not sure how to move on.  Not sure how to just start dating again as if it isn't the pink elephant in my head.  It's never easy to put yourself out there... this just takes it to a whole different level.  

Anyone have any thoughts to share?  About post-cancer dating? Or colorectal/anal cancer?  Or life?  ha!  :-) <3

Comments

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  • Hey Robyn, 

    So I am 21 and still way to young to be thinking about some of the things you are but I also have a cancer that you can barely find on the internet and when you do it doesn't even come close to accurately describing my symptoms and all the treatments I have gone through. For me, it was the most lonely feeling knowing that I am the only person who has gone through the same treatments and procedures as me (mainly because I am on clinical trials where I am the first person to try it on). It sucks but in it I found a lot of comfort. It's harder connecting to people but it really taught me that I am a unique person and I thought it was cool that if I was going to have cancer this young, it might as well be a cool one that no one else has. I don't know how you live and how confident you are but I would just embrace the shit out of your cancer and use it to make you stick out. I may only be 21 but after dealing with this starting when I was 16, I learned that when you really just be yourself, cancer and all, you find out the true people in your life and it has helped me avoid several relationships that would have been bad down the road. Don't know if this helped you at all but I understand the obscure condition and a weird age thing pretty well.

    Alicia
  • Try a website called " what next".  There is no space between the words.  You will find many people there who had or have your type of cancer.  They may be older than you, but may still be of help to you.  Good luck to you.