I am two years out of chemo treatment and a year and a half out of my whole journey with cancer (a benign tumor popped up a few months after my last treatment... that's a whole other rant)..... But it seems like every now and then I'll get a major panic attack and nothing can stop it and I don't know what triggers them either. I had one tonight when I was almost asleep. I wasn't thinking of anything, too tired to do so. But once I get going it's like my brain connects everything back to am I sick again? Thankfully my mom had forgotten to turn her cell phone on silent and I was able to call and talk to her. She's been very patient with me and I know it's hard seeing your "grown" daughter suffer through things you can't fix yourself. But it seems like my anxiety has done nothing but gotten worse after I was marked as in remission. It's frustrating and sometimes stops me from living my every day life. It makes me take the smallest things and blow them out of proportion. But it's like I can't stop myself. I know what I'm doing but I keep on doing it. It makes me hate myself a bit and I know the people around me must think I'm crazy. Some of the friends I have now I didn't know when I was going through treatment so they don't know how to act sometimes. I guess I'm wondering does it ever get better, is there ever a day where I'll be able to not freak out over the simplest of things thinking cancer has returned. I don't know who to reach out to besides this message board. But I'm tired of living my life always looks over my shoulder or waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm open to any and all advice before I drive myself mad.