Any LGBT singles with cancer?

Hi, I'm not looking for dates here (I've got OKC for that) but I just thought I'd say that I feel extra lonely in that I'm not only single with cancer, I'm gay and nonbinary (gender-neutral trans). I had a girlfriend when I was diagnosed, and thankfully I'm still close to her and consider her one of my best friends, but it got to be too much because she lives two and a half hours away and the diagnosis made me even clingier than usual so I feel like I really can't do long distance, even "short" long distance, at this stage of my life especially. I need someone local, which for me is the Triangle region of North Carolina (I'm in Raleigh).

It's too easy for me to be down about myself because although I've found that women, and other gender-variant people, are sometimes not as judgmental about cancer, my orientation and gender do make my dating pool much smaller. I've cried a lot because I feel like I'm just TOO different and TOO difficult and should resign myself to loneliness. At least I hope by the summer to move into a different apartment (I live alone) where I can have a cat, and I definitely do think that will help.


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  • meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    I flip flop a bit, but generally homoflexible (cis). Broke up with long-time boyfriend less than a year after diagnosis. Turns out he couldn't handle it in the way I needed him to, plus we had some other issues going on. I hear you about feeling too different, like even though I feel alright with my body as-is, I still have a reduced dating pool, I don't feel ready for another relationship yet anyway, and I changed so much after cancer that I feel like a totally different person now. Like I moved to another country or something, and everyone speaks a different language than me. Noticed in another of your comments that yours is metastatic -- that must be rough too, I can imagine it makes the OKC journey a bit more difficult. I'm clear so far after stage 3 and people STILL react like "omg are you going to die".

    Also, cats are lovely. Love the cat, cherish the cat, hug the cat if it's cool with that.
  • I definitely find it hard being in the LGBT community and not having a lot of friends who significant others that understand what it's like to have had cancer. When I was 14 and diagnosed, I didn't even think about dating. At that age, I had just recently realized that I was bisexual. It's hard to find someone out there that sparks your intrigue and you can connect with on another level that understand what you have been through. I find it hard to bring up the topic to someone you start to like or date because normally the other person doesn't know what to say. For most people, it's a deal breaker. They don't know how to handle it so they think ending the relationship before it even starts would be easier. Which I believe is definitely wrong to do. Having cancer and being a survivor gives you a different outlook on life and makes you think differently. I have always had a hard time telling someone I like that I am cancer survivor because I don't want them to look at me like I have some contagious disease or something.