So first hello everyone, my name is Amanda, im 26 years old and married to the most wounderful man. I have endometrial cancer stage 1 grade 2. As the days draw closer to my cancerversary, im reliving that day more and more. The looks, the emotions, just the all around numb feeling. Its been ruff. This last august I had to undergo a hysterectomy. Which as you know takes any chance of having children biologically that is. I find it odd most days I think to myself I would have if giving the chance relived the day I got the news over and over if I could have been able to have children. Its werid when u think aboutthe things in life you would suffer for. The emotions that run through your head. Its even tuffer living in such a small town and not truely having anyone to relate with about this let alone someone my age who has cancer. I notice more and more people distancing themselves from me. The looks I get wjen they find out I have cancer as though im dead already or that in some way they will catch what I have. I always get the comments oh well one thing to be great full is at least you wont have a period or you know there is alway adoption. Its not that easy. I have trouble couping with all the things I wont have..the fears of what if. The confusion of how do I move on. Some days are better then others but the bad ones are the worst. Its hard because some people seem to act like I should be over it already..i sometimes wounder what they would do if put in my position not that I would ever in a million years wish this on anyone. I look backat photos and wounder who that person was what she may have been thinking about her life when I see myself in mirror it doesnt look anything like the person I once knew...I dont know about any one eles but the one thing that most people whould say to me thatwould eerck me the wrong way was" oh you seemed to be taking the news so well I would be a total mess". Really I may have had a smile on my face but so much pain I my heart I was screaming on the inside. I honestly dont even truley remember most of this last year I draw a blank on most things. I try not to look at things as if I failed or that what if I would have done something different I try to think I have to much to lose to let this win.