Hi everyone! I just made account and I am so glad I finally did. My name is Steven and I was diagnosed with germinoma brain tumour. I remember when my nurse practitioner told me about this site and asked repeatedly if I was going on and I would lie and say I did but man I wish I really had done so. I got done with treatment in December and have remained cancer free since, with a very positive outlook on remaining that way. Looking back through chemo and radiation it all seems like a long blur. Of course I can recall almost every waking moment of it but it still feels like one long continuous foggy time period. Like being dead tired but still awake not able to fall asleep. I was just drifting through the motion letting the people who were treating me treat me and then right back to my couch in my parents living room where I stayed for a the whole time. Thank god for Netflix and Gilmore girls because that's literally all I did to keep my mind occupied until sleep would take over. If I could have slept through it all I would have. Actually I wanted to most days. But I'm 4 months done with treatment now and I feel great. Half the time. And completely lost and utterly worried the other half. Before I was diagnosed I thought I was the shiny beacon of health in my family. Nothing was ever wrong with me and I was fit. Pain if I had it was always the result of some deserving effort and I thought nothing of it. But now I am paralysed by it. I feel everything. I worry about everything. I fear that everything is cancer related now and even though my outlook is very very positive I cannot help but stop in my track anytime I feel a pain in my side or back or anywhere else. But especially the occasional pain in my side or back would make me think that I have colon or kidney or liver or anything cancer/metastasis. I try to rationalize and be logical, and say I feel this way because I just started working out again and I just up and decided to run a 5k but the dark scary thoughts always dwell. Does anyone else feel this way? How do I just accept pain or any other symptoms is not related to cancer or really just stop being afraid that it is? I hate admitting it but since treatment my biggest fear is pain. What used to be mild is unsure to me now so I just opt for Motrin and i hate it. Another thing on my mind is I am coming to the date where I get my port removed. This is something I am extremely anxious about as the date gets closer!