overwhelming guilt

Lately I've been having this overwhelming guilt about one very specific thing and cannot figure out how to deal with it. How do I say this....I can't stop thinking about sex. I feel so guilty that I miss it as much as I do. And so guilty my boyfriend misses it as much as I do, but can't do anything about it. This wasn't his plan or choice; to have cancer kill his sex drive. I know that isn't how he saw his life going either. But I still have needs and sometimes it is so hard to ignore. It's been too long since my boyfriend has desired me in that all consuming way, I miss that so much. I miss feeling desired and not just needed as a nurse/maid. I try to be open and honest with him about my feelings when they come up, he is always understanding and supportive to my needs. But in those moments I feel even more guilty, like i'm blaming him or making him feel like less of a man. Then the guilt cycle continues. I know there is no right or wrong thing to do here, but sometimes cancer is really fucking hard to deal with. It affects so many aspects of our lives that only we can deal with. Stupid Cancer!!!!


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  • I could have written this post myself! I've always had a sex drive a little higher than my boyfriend... Just a little, so it wasn't a big issue. But now sometimes it gets so bad that I just find myself crying. I mostly miss that connection between us. He has a week out f the hospital recently and I was able to visit, but it was so..... bizarre. Awkward. Sad. I enjoyed seeing him, don't get me wrong! But he was so immunocompromised that I couldn't even hug him. We used to spend all of our time sitting close, playfully swatting and pushing each other, cuddling up for some TV, but that week we sat on opposite sides of a table, like cordial acquaintances.

    But yeah, there's nothing that can be done. I wish we could have that intimacy back, and so does he, but what can we do? We just have to wait and hope that he recovers and we can start living our new life... whatever that looks like,