cancer sucks.

I just really need to say how much cancer sucks. how brutal it is to not only the person living with it, but everyone around them too. watching someone be put through the ringer is no fucking joke. I have seen things in the past three years I can honestly say changed me. I have seen things that I wouldn't want to go through, let alone watch someone I love go through. fuck man, it breaks my heart. my (new!) fiancé has been fighting extra hard for life lately, two PACE treatments in July, then a wicked fungal infection in August, back on treatment in September, now he is living on blood transfusions and platelet transfusions at least once a week. it's times life these I thank every blood donor I know, if he couldn't get blood transfusions every week he wouldn't be here. we cry about that thought a lot, him not being here. we've been crying a lot lately, it's been a rough few months. it's so hard not to feel depressed and so alone. cancer sucks, it really fucking sucks.

good night.
julie

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  • Hey Julie,

    Just want to echo that it sucks. It sucks so hard. My bf just got a stem cell transplant, and I feel like I live waiting for a call telling me he's passed, I can see us changing so much, getting older way faster than we should be. I get irrationally jealous of other people our age, seeing them living these carefree young lives while we stand still, orbiting in cancer's sick gravity.

    I feel like I'm getting stronger emotionally but weaker physically, if that makes sense. I'm not the same person I was before he got sick, and I know I'll never be that person again; neither will he. But I know I won't ever regret staying with him and loving him. Stay strong! I'm here if you ever need to chat.
  • Man, it does suck. My wife just checked into the hospital for treatment for acute myeloid leukemia on the 20th of May, and she's in the recovery phase of her first chemotherapy cycle. They had to pull her PICC line, and she's had to be stuck so many times for blood draws and new IVs, hopefully she'll get a port this week... She's been in the hospital this entire time, and we don't know when she'll be home. Her hair has started thinning and falling out, and I can see how much it bothers her, and she keeps retreating inward, and it's just terrible to watch. It does really suck. All of it sucks. I just keep focusing on the good news and aspects as much as I can.

    I'm here to chat, too. Talking about this stuff helps.