Oddly alone with so much support

Just to give a little background, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer almost two years ago. Since then I've been through half a dozen surgeries and even more chemo treatments. I have been told a few times that I had not long to live but I keep surprising my doctors and persevering. Also during this time I went through the destruction of a relationship that started just a month before my diagnosis. The relationship ended up becoming serious very quickly because he offered so much emotional support. Unfortunately at some point I realized that there were a lot of gaps in our relationship and I couldn't keep him from living his life when I wasn't giving him my whole heart. The good thing is that I have an amazing family and friends who have been extremely supportive and helpful. After my break up I moved in with my parents which isn't actually that bad because I am so close to my family. In addition to my family, I have an amazing local hospital who's staff is like family. I know that I am so lucky to have the support that I have but even in a sea of loved ones I find myself feeling isolated. It's not because I broke up with my boyfriend. Honestly I felt more lonely when I was with him. I just feel like there is no one in my life who understands what I'm going through. A huge part of my problem is that I hate bringing anyone else down with my problems. So when my friends and family tell me they are there for me, it kills me to complain or tell them about my problems because I don't want them to worry about me all the time. I'm not trying to be a Marty or whatever, I just genuinely don't want to upset others by complaining and I don't want people to feel sorry for me all the time. I tried to use Tinder the other day and lasted about a day before I realized that I couldn't be honest without having dudes feel sorry for me. I feel like making new friends is impossible, let alone trying to date.

Comments

  • 3 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • I get where you're coming from. It's hard getting through without friends who understand what it's like to go through all the garbage that comes with cancer. I also know that having to live with cancer is not really talked about. Most of what we get from the media is about dying, not have to struggle through multiple treatments, insurance struggles, etc. What helped me was this site: http://imermanangels.org/get-support/. Also young adult cancer adventure organizations like True North Treks or First Descents are great for community building and I've found a few really great friends through that experience. Good luck, and feel free to message if you ever want to vent.
  • kbunchkbunch Community Member
    I completely understand where you are coming from. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship about 2 months prior to being diagnosed. I actually thought all of my symptoms were stress from that relationship. Now that I am going through a divorce and cancer treatment, my family and friends have absolutely rallied and I've just recently found myself feeling absolutely lonely in it. I do the same as you and avoid telling the truth, because most of the time I really am fine and I don't want pity. I want them to see me as myself, not as a sick person. I also jumped on dating apps (Bumble, Tinder..) because my friends thought I should try and lasted about a day, too. I also only used pics from pre-treatment. Constantly wondering what they would think if I posted my bald head... Just know you're not alone in your lonliness.
  • jrupeyjrupey Community Member
    Hi Tori,

    This is so relevant to me too. It feels weird to be super supported and loved by those close to you, but you're still on your own? It's like you're on cancer island, party of one! I've been feeling the same a lot lately, which is why I just joined this website. I'm 23, so I don't know any young people that have had cancer. You look young, so I feel like you may be in a similar spot too.
    I feel like empathizing with your peers is really helpful in the healing processes of all sorts of things, for both parties. If you ever want to vent about anything I am here for you to hit me up! I won't talk to other people about my issues from cancer either, but if it's between other people on cancer island then it's just comparing notes!