I've never posted in one of these before, but I've been feeling really overwhelmed and alone and this seems like a good place to vent. Im 24, and I was diagnosed with stage 4 uterine leiomyosarcoma in Nov 2016, mets to some lymph nodes in my groin and my lungs. 3 days later, they cut out all my equipment and some lymph nodes, gave me a week to recover, did 6weeks of 5x/wk ineffective radiation and then signed me up for a clinical trial. I'm just started my 5th week of that.
I'm an RN, and I've been working through this entire thing because I need the health insurance, and my husband can't support us in his paycheck alone. You'd think I'd be more equipped to deal with this considering my career, but I feel like I'm drowning. Most people with this cancer don't even make it a year. I feel alright now, but but how long will that last? The clinical trial seems promising, but no one really knows if it will work. The anxiety is awful. And I can't tell anyone bc they all expect me to be some amazingly strong warrior all the time. I tell my patients it's okay to be miserable sometimes, as long as you don't let it consume you. My mantra has been "it could be worse", but I feel so guilty bc sometimes I just can't figure out how things could possibly get worse. And then I feel guilty bc at least I have access to good health care. I just wish I really was as positive as I make people believe I am.
Sorry for the rant, it feels good to just get these feelings out.