Life after cancer

Hi, this is my first time here i was diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkins lymphoma one year ago today and I've been in remission since October i did the 6 cycles of abvd chemo followed by 15 days of radiation. Im 28 yrs old and im a single mom of 4 and as rough as treatment was, so far it seems that life after cancer is far worse (i feel like an ungrateful jerk for even allowing myself to say that, but its true) i dont have much in the way of support its just my mom really which im extremely greatful for her, but when you look in the face of death and receive such a lack of support from friends and family it makes you realize how little people value you. As soon as I finished my treatment i had to return to work because well the show must go on rent needs to be paid and kids need food. Im depressed 24 hours a day and I just cant shake the feeling of maybe I would of been better off not doing the treatments..... then there's the constant obsession over relapse or a secondary cancer, ughhh i think that's enough of a rant for now, thanks to anyone who read this, id greatly appreciate advice on how survive the darkness that is life after cancer

Comments

  • 2 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • Hey there - I'm 27 going on 28 and just finished treatment at the end of January, so I felt pretty compelled to comment on this! I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia in Sept 2014 and finished treatment at the end of January, so roughly 2.5 years. I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time... and that you haven't had much support from family and friends. My family has been my everything through treatment, I moved into my parents basement when I was diagnosed at 25, but I've definitely seen who my real (few) friends are. I can totally relate to your anxiety/obsession with the thought of relapse and secondary cancers.... it's brutal. I can get lost in my mind and fear for hours. A lot of days are spent worrying. I find I have to be really intentional with my thoughts, and aware of them. Are you religious in any kind of way? I have leaned on God in many moments of my treatment. If you have any time for yourself (being a working single mom of 4 I know that time for yourself is probably really limited), maybe try yoga or some kind of fitness routine? I have found in the last several months that exercising (mainly power walking) has boosted my mood or "mental state"
  • even though i know i have a great support system, sometimes i feel as though they don't understand me and i feel guilt for putting them on this journey with me which makes me lash out on them quite often. you are not alone in feeling guilt and that life after cancer is much harder because it is a lot harder to adjust to life and people again after going through that. what gets me through the fear of relapse is just that we were really put on this earth for a reason and every single day has a purpose. at this point, you are just as likely to relapse as somebody else is to get diagnosed with it for the first time so we are all equals and you are stronger than you think. remind yourself of that everyday! we can't live in fear because we have to feed our bodies positive energy and just take it one day at a time. i wish you luck