Cancer and Dating.

Hi all...I just needed some advice. How did you guys decide it was the right time to start dating again and go about it?
I am a male of 25 years old and Ive been treated for a hormone secreting Neuroendocrine Tumor for about two years. I was somewhat shocked when I found out and retreated from anything to do with romantic relationships. Lately, Ive kind of been thinking about getting back out into the dating world. Guess as I feel a little better Im noticing my friends dating more and feeling lonely in that regard. I just feel kinda awkward and weird about it though. Its been so long and I avoided stuff that it feels foreign and like I'll be awkward. Plus, I still have issues with "intimacy" from the chemo/hormone meds I am on. I have embarrassing skin changes (acanthosis nigricans) in some intimate areas. And I have some major fatigue/mental cloudy issues at times from medicines that make me self conscious about whether I seem zoned out. Im actually in school and my friends have suggested pursuing some relationships but I keep freezing and feeling like I'll be an awkward mess because I know about the weird different things about my body now.
I have a great group of friends and I think they could help in the transition to getting back into the dating world. Problem is I feel incredibly weird about talking to them about the reasons Ive avoided dating and feel weird about getting into a relationship. Im known as the goofy and talkative person who just freezes up when talking to girls, complete 180 from how I was before treatment. I guess part of me feels different about my body so Im worried my friends will think differently of me if I explain my situation and ask for their help in dipping my toes into the dating world again. And that girls my age would be a little freaked out by my situation at the moment. Or I'll be an awkward mess on the first date. Ive relied on my friends for support through this journey a lot, without ever really talking about anything- just kinda rely on them for emotional support without saying I need it.

Comments

  • 2 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • I'd say live life to the fullest.
  • xoldcorexxoldcorex Community Member
    Start slow and try to give yourself a break. You've been through a lot. Try just hanging out and getting to know people. Don't feel that you need to fall into something serious right away, let someone earn your trust. I have body issues as well caused by the damage cancer has done to my body, but most people are insecure about something with their body. There are really kind loving people out there that will accept you as you are. I've been amazed by how accepting women can be when it comes to these issues. Dating is awkward for everyone and again I know women who like awkward guys. Sometimes being awkward puts women at ease because they might be shy or awkward. I'm not trying to sound like I have all the answers, I have been single for a couple year as well and have had trouble getting back into the dating pool. Maybe regular dating is too high pressure for you now. Try starting a casual conversation with a woman in class that you find interesting. After talking a while (in person or through text/email) see if she wants to get coffee. If you feel comfortable be honest and let her know that you are just getting back into things. You don't have to tell her anything about your cancer until you feel comfortable, you don't have to give her your life story all at once. I hope this makes sense. Good luck.

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