My mom has just been diagnosed with extensive stage small cell lung cancer that has metastasized to her lymph nodes and liver. She begins her first round of chemo on May 2nd. I just read that the prognosis for this stage of small cell lung cancer is 6 month to a year on chemo. I currently live in North Carolina and she lives in West Virginia. I am completely overwhelmed with the amount of information and the prospect that my best friend could only have such a short time left. I don't know how to care for her being so far away, but me moving to her or her moving closer to me is not possible right now. Her insurance is state Medicaid and her home is in WV and she wouldn't want me to give up my career.
I don't know how I feel minute to minute - one second I'm fine, the next I'm hopeful, the next I can't stop imagining her funeral and sobbing uncontrollably. I keep telling myself that this must be normal - but I don't feel normal! When I feel okay and I am just doing normal things, I feel guilty and when I am sobbing and unable to function, I feel ridiculous. I constantly feel hopeless inside even though I am trying to be strong for her on the outside. I don't know what I am looking for through this community board, whether it is support - or just a place to be honest about my feelings where she won't read it?? Either way, I thought I would give it a try.