Wedding night ruined

I'm 25 years old and I have been with my fiancé for 6 years and we are (finally!) getting married next month. Back in Feb I was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer--right off the bat, one day I seemed perfectly healthy and the next I have a 6.5 cm tumor in my breast and growing tumors in my back and liver. No surgery for me, only chemo for 6 months and then biologics "indefinitely." It just so happens that my chemo ends about 3 weeks before my wedding night and my 8 night honeymoon. Sex is beyond painful, my vagina burns with every touch. My gyn, who seems genuinely unconcerned by the whole thing, has recommended various lubes all to no avail. I've tried relaxing, exercising, masturbating, and all sorts of foreplay with my fiancé to "relax and be in the moment" in hopes that would turn me on enough to have pleasurable sex. BUT NOTHING WORKS. I'm 25 and I'm already going into painful menopause RIGHT BEFORE MY WEDDING NIGHT. Now, I have the world's most amazing fiancé and I truly would not be alive today without his love, support, and help through this fucking journey. Which is a huge part of the reason I want to have sex with him every night of this long awaited wedding and vacation. If you saw my fiancé, you'd want to too! (Back off ;)) Lubes don't work. My cancer feeds off estrogen so no hormonal treatments can even be recommended. "Relaxing" (as if I can even remember the definition of the word) doesn't do squat. Time MAY help. But I don't have time. I have 3 weeks to recoup from a rigorous 6 month chemotherapy treatment--which is impossible. Now I know I can please my man in more ways than by vaginal intercourse--but am I to get a crick in my neck every night?! I'm going to fucking Jamaica--this is our reward for getting through hell!--and I can't have sex? On my honeymoon? Yea I know that I should be thankful the chemo is working, I at least have my life and the love of it, and after all "you're going to fucking Jamaica!" Be grateful. But no woman (or man) in their right mind is going to be okay with not having sex on their honeymoon--for any reason. My body has completely and utterly betrayed me.


  • 6 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • Congrats for your wedding but sorry to hear about cancer taking one more special thing away from you. Stupid cancer it steals so much from your life - yes I'm happy to be alive but doesn't mean the loss of career, relationships, money, health etc due to cancer sucks any less!
  • MHoodMHood Community Member, Moderator
    Instead of a GYN have you thought about seeking advice from a sex therapist? There are some that specialize in people who have had cancer. Check out Sage Bolte, she has spoken at many of Stupid Cancer's conferences and is amazing!
  • lily2018lily2018 Community Member
    Congrats on your wedding, I'm sorry cancer makes any part of that less enjoyable than you deserve.
  • Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! My advice? Get stoned. Edibles are usually a better body-high for me to help me relax. They help calm your thoughts down too. I had the same problem as you, and it was really frustrating to not be able to physically connect with my bf. Not promoting drug use or anything (but technically we’re all on drugs, aren’t we? Haha) but weed had helped me loads. Wishing you better days!
  • emkatemkat Community Member
    My heart goes out to you. I'm 28, was diagnosed at 26 (2016) with stage 4 metastatic lung cancer and that was it for my sex life both with my boyfriend and myself. My story ends a bit rough, I discovered last October my boyfriend (of four years) was cheating on me for sometime after constantly reassuring me he could care less about sex and only cared about me. In no way am I saying that this is what will happen to you but I worry for all women now, if it can happen to me, then who knows. I commend you though for trying, I couldn't even attempt and I blame myself for him looking elsewhere so I think no matter what, your man sees you trying and that makes him respect you and find you sexy. Have you tried mutual masturbation and possibly with a vibrator? I'm sure you've tried it all but keep your head up. Don't focus so much on the physical aspect, you've been through so much you need to enjoy yourself now and that's all he wants too. You're going to Jamaica!! Enjoy it, sex or no sex!! And more than likely, it'll happen when you least expect it! Best of luck!
  • Q4lifeQ4life Community Member
    Coconut oil that is pure & unprocessed. Vitamin E. Lots of foreplay & creativity. There are a lot of definitions of what options you have. Dump that GYN. Find a sex counselor. Ask if where you get treatment they have one or can refer you to one.

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