Praying for a miracle

hope4acurehope4acure Community Member
edited October 2017 in Introductions Vote Up0Vote Down
I was diagnosed with stage IIIb cervical cancer in June. I went through external beam radiation, chemo, internal radiation, and boosts on my lymph node. Now I am working on getting stronger post treatment and just hoping to get back to work soon. Treatments were hard on my body and I am still having residual effects. I find myself depressed and unhappy. I struggle from day to day to keep my mind busy. My spouse was not the support I hoped for during treatment and even called me demanding. I could barely get out of bed the pain was so severe. It still hurts me that he argued with me and felt I was demanding. I need support that I am not alone and will get through this. Most days I feel like I am all by myself and it is hard. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I have stepchildren whose mother have mocked my cancer and harassed me. My spouse claims he "takes care of it" but I don't believe him. She was physically and mentally abusive to him. What can I do? Looking for inspiration... and praying for a miracle.
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  • I'm sorry things are tough for you now, I know from my personal experience how much the people around you on a day to day basis can affect your spirits when already struggling so much physically and emotionally just from cancer. I can't say I have the answer for you I do believe everyone's situation is individual so different right answers for everyone but have you tried some sort of counseling on your own or with your spouse? Honestly I have only went once when first diagnosed mostly in support of my then BF... she did talk to me some individually and basically told me I was doing great and asked me to encourage my BF to continue coming (which he didn't and we broke up but another story). When my cancer came back I was in a long term relationship again with a guy that really struggled with my diagnosis - he basically shut down and went through the motions of supporting me but stopped talking to me. I kind of wish I had talked him into going to counseling, I felt like I didn't need it at the time but looking back I think he did... In the end we broke up a year later and by that time I was just relieved to have his negative energy out of the house! I know sometimes the last thing you want is another doctor appointment, but one of cancers most humbling lessons I've learned is sometimes you need to get help. For me it isn't counseling but I get help with household chores, rides, and just people to chat with so I don't feel too lonely :)
  • Hi and thank you. I have only spoken to the oncology social worker. I have asked him to go to counseling but no appointments have been made. I have told him if my being sick is too much I will leave. He has pleaded with me not to go. This is the 2nd marriage for us both and he doesn't want to be a "failure." I am not happy and I am tired of all the negative energy from his ex and even his parents... particularly his father. I come second to the children and frankly I am done with that. My wellbeing has been ignored for too long. As you I find driving, chores, and chatting with friends less lonely. It is just sad to me that I feel lonely with him. I want to be healthy and happy and share that with someone who understands what I'm going through.
  • Yeah I don't blame you! Well I hope one way or another things get better for you ☺
  • melisajmelisaj Community Member
    Hi,
    I am so sorry to hear your pain. I am in my 2nd marriage also. We are also a blended family. I was diagnosed 4yrs ago with Stage IV breast cancer with metastasis to my bone marrow. My husband was not strong enough to support me either. He started drinking heavily again and denouncing God. I eventually had to get out of there for my own mental and physical well being. I pray your situation will not have to go this far! But I wanted you to know that I have been gone over 2 yrs now and I am doing fine. I have more peace and less stress! Lately, we are beginning to feel like friends again. I learned how to take care of myself again and that feels awesome! I don't miss those sick in laws or his weak presence one bit! I will continue to pray for you! Be Strong and do what is Best for You right now! Trust your gut! You Will know what to do when it is time! God Bless!
  • juls4juls4 Community Member
    Your husband's ex sounds pretty toxic, and I don't think there's anything either of you can do to make her a nicer person. I would suggest being as honest with your stepchildren as possible, about what you're going through and how you wish the treatment didn't affect your relationship with them. Hopefully if they see that you are trying your best, are there to support them when they need it, and are open and honest with them, then that will counter some of what their mother may be saying to them. As for your husband, I'm so sorry that on top of everything you feel you have to work so hard at your relationship with him. I agree with the counseling, but I would also suggest just being honest about what you need (which is sounds like you've been doing) and reminding him as often as it takes that cancer isn't as visible as other diseases and while many days you may look ok, you may feel terrible inside and that makes even little things a struggle. Maybe refer him to online forums where family members of cancer patients can talk to one another. He might get good advice there.

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