Just got a phone call from my oncologist about my PET/CT results and he said he had no good news, again.
I was first diagnosed on 1/4/2015, had an emergency surgery the day after to relieve the pressure posed on my spinal cord by the tumor, followed by 7 months of chemo (VDC-IE) and I was told I was cancer free by August 2015, so I attended a PhD program focused on pre-clinical breast cancer research. one year later, the cancer came back, and never be able to fully delve into my work since. I had temozolomide+irinotecan, a phase I drug called TK216, then trabectidin+irinotecan, all failed to control the growth of tumor at some point. Now, I'm going to have cyclophosphamide+topotecan and I don't think it'll work for too long, if it ever works.
I was not sad at all when I heard the 'bad news', I hung up the phone and continued working on my thesis. I don't know how should I react to this, deep down inside I always hoped miracles would happen but reality is that I'm sliding into the abyss slowly and I don't know what I could do differently. I'm really lost.
It really sucks to be an international student in grad school with cancer. my parents naively believe that I'll be fine because I'm in a great country with advanced cancer treatments, that might be true, but not for Ewing's sarcoma. without family's support, everything can be really hard. but what can I do? no matter how depressed I am, my basic animal instinct drives me to do the right thing so that I can possibly live longer. and I do feel like an animal sometimes.