Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Sign In with Google

Ask a Question

Best Worst Cancer Lines

24567

Comments

  • Almost always it's the same response when I tell someone (for whatever reason) that I had cancer.
    -Either the quick response, "oh, but your ok now right!?" almost as if I'm contagious.
    -I HATE this one: Suddenly it makes sense for them to tell you about someone they knew or heard of that had your type of cancer...but died from it.

    Thanks.
  • DMMDMM Community Member
    amandabcs;1555 said:
    -Either the quick response, "oh, but your ok now right!?" almost as if I'm contagious.
    Oh that one drives me crazy too. Although, I take it more as they are being dismissive when they say that, as if ...ok, you had cancer, you didn't die, the case is closed and sealed, back to business as usual.
  • Dawn Manoly;1553 said:
    Oh any of course my favorite is (I am sure everyone else has heard this one at least once!): Oh you have cancer, I had a (fill in the blank - cousin, uncle, grandmother and etc) who died of cancer.

    I get this one all the time. I also get treated as though I'm a doctor and able to help (more emotionally lol) anyone with any type of cancer, because ya know.. I have cancer so I must know everything about all cancers.

    A few days ago I got "Skin cancer? Don't you just get surgery and its gone?" ... uhh... no... you get multiple surgeries, chemo treatments for just over a year) and follow up MRIs, CT scans and blood work for the rest of your life.

    I was diagnosed when I was 8 months pregnant with my second baby and I often got "Do you think the baby will be born with cancer or other problems?"

    And.. like others... I hate when everyone always tries to "one-up" you. Either they get comfort in knowing they are worse off than someone else, or its their strange way of trying to make you feel like someone else has it worse off than you.
  • xojessica;1561 said:
    A few days ago I got "Skin cancer? Don't you just get surgery and its gone?" ... uhh... no... you get multiple surgeries, chemo treatments for just over a year) and follow up MRIs, CT scans and blood work for the rest of your life.
    YES! Haha, although in my case all I've had is surgery, I've had multiple surgeries, and the chances of my melanoma coming back are really high and then I would have to have probably more surgery and drugs... I have to go to three different doctors every 3 to 4 months to get checked, and like on my last check up if the dermatologist finds any atypical moles I have to get another little surgery to cut it off with a margin. I always have people telling me "well you look really healthy now!" like everything is all fixed and I shouldn't have any problems, but statistically I have about a 50/50 (or worse, if I use a tool where I put in the details of my case) chance of living more than 5 years... that's not exactly healthy... This is not including the chances of me getting a totally new primary, since I have atypical moles and am genetically at greater risk for that. But people have a hard time grasping the fact that someone could look and act completely healthy and still have something running around in their body that could come back and kill them; no one believed me at first when I told them I was diagnosed with melanoma because I was "too young" and "so healthy"... guess not!
  • Oh, also, having Melanoma people often show me their moles and ask them if I think its cancer. I never know how to respond to that, other than say, "If its something thats bothering you, you should go see your doctor".
  • I got the "My dad had cancer so I know what you are going through." Yeah right, cause your dad was 56, who's kids were grown and had a completly different kind of cancer. And it was your dad, not you. Oh and he died. Great! Just what I want to hear!
  • xojessica;1571 said:
    Oh, also, having Melanoma people often show me their moles and ask them if I think its cancer. I never know how to respond to that, other than say, "If its something thats bothering you, you should go see your doctor".

    I worked with a dermatologist this summer and she said SHE doesn't even tell people what her job is because they do that to her, and she can't diagnose anything "on the street" or she could get sued. I think that's pretty much what she says.

    I don't think anyone has ever told me I don't "look" sick (because I really only talk about this with my friends) but I get a lot of stares when I ask for accommodations, something like making sure I have a ride if people are planning to walk somewhere that's more than I can walk comfortably. I read a comeback somewhere that was basically "Oh, are you a doctor?" I think it's hilarious, but have yet to try it...

    Yeah, I usually take the "but you're ok now" as dismissive. I guess usually because it's said by people who I can tell don't want to talk about it.

    In terms of "inspirational" - to me it depends who says it - like coming from a friend it can be really sincere. But coming from a random person it's sooooo annoying. My sixth grade history teacher took me aside after class and talked to me for like 15 minutes about how she was going to have back surgery and I was such an inspiration for her (I'd had foot surgery that year). It remains THE most awkward conversation I've ever had in my life. I was just like... get over yourself. And yes, definitely had tones of pity, and using me as an object instead of looking at me as a person.

    I also want to be a peds heme/onc. I'm not even a doctor yet, but every time the topic comes up it goes like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rs6qBZtMGgQ
  • Ldr12Ldr12 Community Member
    amandabcs;1555 said:
    Almost always it's the same response when I tell someone (for whatever reason) that I had cancer.
    -Either the quick response, "oh, but your ok now right!?" almost as if I'm contagious.
    -I HATE this one: Suddenly it makes sense for them to tell you about someone they knew or heard of that had your type of cancer...but died from it.

    Thanks.
    Being "okay" now, yeah right. It's almost as if they can look down on me now for having any fault. I shouldn't feel like I have that pressure on me. So nuts to them.

    As for death, I don't tend to get that. Instead, it's usually "isn't that just some kind of infection?"

    My favourite jerk line was "Well at least you don't have AIDS. That will kill you." Uh, what?
  • Ldr12;1583 said:
    Being "okay" now, yeah right. It's almost as if they can look down on me now for having any fault. I shouldn't feel like I have that pressure on me. So nuts to them.
    My favourite jerk line was "Well at least you don't have AIDS. That will kill you." Uh, what?
    Yeah, THAT'S what I don't like about the "okay now" line... it's a bit condescending.

    I had to laugh about the AIDS line. Stupid much?
  • Ldr12;1583 said:
    Being "okay" now, yeah right. It's almost as if they can look down on me now for having any fault. I shouldn't feel like I have that pressure on me. So nuts to them.

    As for death, I don't tend to get that. Instead, it's usually "isn't that just some kind of infection?"

    My favourite jerk line was "Well at least you don't have AIDS. That will kill you." Uh, what?
    OK, so now that you mentioned AIDS I have a story. My friend, who has very recently been diagnosed with cancer, was at a fundraiser and was still in the closet at the time about her diagnosis. Some woman came up to her whom she didn't even know and touched her arm saying, 'oh, I heard you have cancer....'. Obviously shocked, my friend left the event mortified. When she told me what happened I said, next time you see her, show her how ridiculous it sounds/feels. Go up to her, touch her arm, and say, 'Oh, I heard you have AIDS.' We had a belly laugh, in part because I was so impulsive to say that but what's worse that cancer? AIDS? I don't know! It was an ignorant comment for an ignorant comment.
    Side note: My mom is an oncology nurse and did hos pice for years. She always has said, there are some things worse than death, i.e. suffering.
  • Iw as diagnosed with my cancer after a CT-scan i got in early december of 2010 detected the tumor on my kidney. I was told by my doc to bring all ct-scans i had ever gotten to him so he could review all the films. He looked at a scan i had gotten in oct 2008 and found the same tumor was present but was missed by the radiologist that viewed the films in 2008. So i have had this cancer growing inside me for atleast 2 years and didnt even know it. When my friends and family find out that fact they always say "well, atleast you didnt know and didnt have any pain". i guess you could look at it like that, but i cant help but look at it like i had this traitor growing and festering inside me with no knowledge of it. i compare it to a good friend talking about you behind your back and then finally finding out about it. It's a sickening feeling, and there's no upside to it.
    i know they arent trying to be insensitive and they are trying their best to make you feel better, but there are just some instances in life that there is nothing anyone can say to lighten the mood.
  • TaraTara Community Member
    Dawn Manoly;1553 said:
    I'm also tired of the religious folks I know who tell me, well if you start praying to god blah blah blah. Basically insinuating I brought both of my cancers on myself because I'm not a god fearing person.

    Some of the other ones that I have heard numerous times and still gets on my nerves....
    That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
    There is a lesson in all of this.
    Everything happens for a reason.
    Wow, you still have your hair, you look great.
    Well you didn't want kids anyway, right? (this one is high on the list of what has pissed me off)

    Oh any of course my favorite is (I am sure everyone else has heard this one at least once!): Oh you have cancer, I had a (fill in the blank - cousin, uncle, grandmother and etc) who died of cancer.

    WORD!!

    Worst line I got was from my own Doctor (GP)!! She rang me up the day of my diagnosis to say 'You were the absolute LAST person I EVER thought would get cancer'!!! >:( Gee thanks! I guess that's why I was misdiagnosed for almost a year!
    #FAIL
    Oh and the 'at least they caught it early' bullshit; I was almost Stage 3 and complaining about symptoms for 9 months; how is that 'early'?!? Gah! >:(

    Oh I almost forgot; if you have cervical cancer (even the type I had where I tested negative for HPV); people think you're a slut. I know of a fellow survivor who had some lady say to her "oh well, we all know why you got THAT type of cancer" (snickering - as if she somehow deserved it.) What a load of toss!! #rage We both went for annual Pap tests and they were ALWAYS normal and we each have long-term b/f's and we are NOT sluts. Some people have no fucking clue! :(
  • Tara;1628 said:
    WORD!!

    Worst line I got was from my own Doctor (GP)!! She rang me up the day of my diagnosis to say 'You were the absolute LAST person I EVER thought would get cancer'!!! >:( Gee thanks! I guess that's why I was misdiagnosed for almost a year!
    #FAIL
    Oh and the 'at least they caught it early' bullshit; I was almost Stage 3 and complaining about symptoms for 9 months; how is that 'early'?!? Gah! >:(

    Oh I almost forgot; if you have cervical cancer (even the type I had where I tested negative for HPV); people think you're a slut. I know of a fellow survivor who had some lady say to her "oh well, we all know why you got THAT type of cancer" (snickering - as if she somehow deserved it.) What a load of toss!! #rage We both went for annual Pap tests and they were ALWAYS normal and we each have long-term b/f's and we are NOT sluts. Some people have no fucking clue! :(
    When I was dx'd in 2009 the pathologist said my tumors were likely growing for 6-8 years but the recent estrogen from my back to back pregnancies really sped growth up. Anyway, in 2005 I went to Planned Parenthood and had this lump 1st looked at. A Nurse Practitioner felt me up then told me to drink more water, take Vitamin E and reduce my caffeine, that I had fiberous breasts and she could just tell, it was a cyst. Hmmmm. Wonder where she is now, wonder how many other young women with cancer went under her radar?
  • DMMDMM Community Member
    amandabcs;1651 said:
    When I was dx'd in 2009 the pathologist said my tumors were likely growing for 6-8 years but the recent estrogen from my back to back pregnancies really sped growth up. Anyway, in 2005 I went to Planned Parenthood and had this lump 1st looked at. A Nurse Practitioner felt me up then told me to drink more water, take Vitamin E and reduce my caffeine, that I had fiberous breasts and she could just tell, it was a cyst. Hmmmm. Wonder where she is now, wonder how many other young women with cancer went under her radar?

    Unfortunately, that is a common situation for most of us YA survivors. I had abnormal periods for over 10 years before I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer at 25. I was mis-diagnosed with "IBS" for 8 years before i was diagnosed with small bowel cancer at age 35. Even though the doctors knew of my previous history of cancer and family history of colon cancer (small bowel ca is often related) they never ordered a CT until I was on death's door. I have been having pain in my right breast for the past several years, had many mammograms and ultrasounds....results are "probably benign", most likely fibrocysts they say. The insurance won't approve an MRI. :( The Vitamin E and B6 does help with the pain....but still, with both of my other cancers I had symptoms for years, I still worry that breast cancer is going to be the next one on my plate. A third cancer is not going to be a charm. So for now I continue with mammograms and ultrasounds every six months. Ugh!
  • Dawn Manoly;1653 said:
    Unfortunately, that is a common situation for most of us YA survivors. I had abnormal periods for over 10 years before I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer at 25. I was mis-diagnosed with "IBS" for 8 years before i was diagnosed with small bowel cancer at age 35. Even though the doctors knew of my previous history of cancer and family history of colon cancer (small bowel ca is often related) they never ordered a CT until I was on death's door. I have been having pain in my right breast for the past several years, had many mammograms and ultrasounds....results are "probably benign", most likely fibrocysts they say. The insurance won't approve an MRI. :( The Vitamin E and B6 does help with the pain....but still, with both of my other cancers I had symptoms for years, I still worry that breast cancer is going to be the next one on my plate. A third cancer is not going to be a charm. So for now I continue with mammograms and ultrasounds every six months. Ugh!
    Hey you sound like a great candidate for a THERMOGRAM. Insurance doesn't usually pay but I think they run $100-$150. It is an excellent diagnostic tool for early prevention but is only to be used in conjunction with other tools. Girls our age SHOULD NOT have to get mammograms so early because they cause more damage than prevention in most cases. None of my cancer showed up on one, nor did any of my Breast Friends. Thermography senses temperature changes, so with the vascular nature of carcinoma, images are taken and compared with normal, healthy images. It's cool because it's not invasive, contains no radiation and can be a great tool for prevention. I learned about it post-trtmt but since I only had 1 breast with CA then I will get a thermogram when I can afford it, on the other breast. I've had a few MRI guided biopsy's on the healthy breast so it would be a way for me to follow those spots. However, MRIs every 6 months is currently the best diagnostic tool for me.
  • DMMDMM Community Member
    amandabcs;1654 said:
    Hey you sound like a great candidate for a THERMOGRAM. Insurance doesn't usually pay but I think they run $100-$150. It is an excellent diagnostic tool for early prevention but is only to be used in conjunction with other tools. Girls our age SHOULD NOT have to get mammograms so early because they cause more damage than prevention in most cases. None of my cancer showed up on one, nor did any of my Breast Friends. Thermography senses temperature changes, so with the vascular nature of carcinoma, images are taken and compared with normal, healthy images. It's cool because it's not invasive, contains no radiation and can be a great tool for prevention. I learned about it post-trtmt but since I only had 1 breast with CA then I will get a thermogram when I can afford it, on the other breast. I've had a few MRI guided biopsy's on the healthy breast so it would be a way for me to follow those spots. However, MRIs every 6 months is currently the best diagnostic tool for me.

    Thanks! Good info to know...will bring it up with my GYN-Oncologist at my next appointment.
  • DMMDMM Community Member
    Kenny Kane;1657 said:
    When my dad was diagnosed in 2005 at 50 with Testicular. They told him he had the "good type of testicular cancer." We didn't share the sentiment.

    Exactly! There is No Such Thing as a Good Type of Cancer! Some doctors just need to be slapped upside the head!
  • Thanks for making me laugh today, guys. I've heard so many of these -
    -- the "at least they caught it early" (my lump that I'd complained about to docs and dentists for years before diagnosis - the cancer that was already invading nerves and lymph nodes).
    --the "your positive attitude will get you through this" (said on a particularly lousy day -- made me want to smack her up side the head).
    --the "how are feeeeeling?" every day from a coworker who rarely stuck around to hear the answer. (I got the distinct feeling she was asking just to check it off her list of "things to do today")

    But, the absolute worst was from my father. (as a bit of back story, at about the same time I was diagnosed, my sister, was finishing up the tail end of a divorce, was forced to sell her house, and had recently lost her very good job) My father sat me down and very sincerely told me that "looking at you and your sister has made me realize how lucky I am" he then proceeded to list everything that was wrong with my sister and my life. yikes. I know he meant well, was just trying to wrap his head around everything, but... probably not the best way to say that.

    Lisa
  • Lisa Laura Moore;1663 said:
    Thanks for making me laugh today, guys. I've heard so many of these -
    -- the "at least they caught it early" (my lump that I'd complained about to docs and dentists for years before diagnosis - the cancer that was already invading nerves and lymph nodes).
    --the "your positive attitude will get you through this" (said on a particularly lousy day -- made me want to smack her up side the head).
    --the "how are feeeeeling?" every day from a coworker who rarely stuck around to hear the answer. (I got the distinct feeling she was asking just to check it off her list of "things to do today")

    But, the absolute worst was from my father. (as a bit of back story, at about the same time I was diagnosed, my sister, was finishing up the tail end of a divorce, was forced to sell her house, and had recently lost her very good job) My father sat me down and very sincerely told me that "looking at you and your sister has made me realize how lucky I am" he then proceeded to list everything that was wrong with my sister and my life. yikes. I know he meant well, was just trying to wrap his head around everything, but... probably not the best way to say that.

    Lisa
    If it makes you feel any better, the first time I excitedly showed my Dad the wig my step-mom bought for me he said, ....you look like, uh, ya know, what's the word? (snapping his fingers for an answer) uh, a um... (meanwhile I'm exploding with anticipation) a um, bag lady.
    I never wore that thing again. It made me feel like a Geico Cave Man. He felt so bad, it was NOT like him at all and I don't know where it came from but it's an example of how people we love do weird shit sometimes, just like us. :)
  • Yeah, when the doctor put that sentence into the air from his mouth (my diagnosis) my reaction was so natural! Looking back, it was very California-esque and I probably sounded like a Valley Girl. Anyway, I looked at him like he was nuts, with my face all scrunched up and confused I told him, "SHUT-UP" That was 1/2 serious & rhetorical and 1/2 'whatcho talkin' bout Willis?
  • People who reply with the "good cancer" comment are idiots and have probably never been affected by the disease (otherwise they would NOT be making that comment). Regardless, people say some stupid crap when they really don't know what to say.

    I took my 13 yo daughter to see the gyno (almost 9 months post radiation) to discussed Lauren's menopausal symptoms. I had mentioned that I was a little upset that the rad onc didn't explain in great detail that the radiation would most likely cause the menopause (not to mention so much scar tissue she would need surgery). She said "Not everyone needs to have children. I don't have any children and I am fine." My mouth just dropped open.
  • cherrichiodo;1748 said:
    People who reply with the "good cancer" comment are idiots and have probably never been affected by the disease (otherwise they would NOT be making that comment). Regardless, people say some stupid crap when they really don't know what to say.
    I took my 13 yo daughter to see the gyno (almost 9 months post radiation) to discussed Lauren's menopausal symptoms. I had mentioned that I was a little upset that the rad onc didn't explain in great detail that the radiation would most likely cause the menopause (not to mention so much scar tissue she would need surgery). She said "Not everyone needs to have children. I don't have any children and I am fine." My mouth just dropped open.
    My Rad Onc had a brochure in his office that really pissed me off. I pointed it out to him, such morbid info should not be on a coffee table but maybe handed out by a professional who can EXPLAIN or be there to catch you when you faint from reading it. I was angry because the front of this thing said like 3 bullets about my type of cancer. One of which was, 80% of patients will live AT LEAST 5 years after diagnosis. When I told him I was bothered my that delivery method of the news he said, HUH?! That's GREAT news! Then explained to me how 80% is such a good number from an oncologists point of view, but I'm not an oncologist I told him. No, you're not he said, you're a young girl with shitty luck. (Oh! Thanks, BTW, all this time it was luck! Who'da thunk?)
  • deltadawn;1270 said:
    I told an acquaintance that I was about to start chemo; he said he had it worse - he was about to have a colonoscopy. I told him I would rather stick a camera up my ass every day for a year than go through chemotherapy.


    Well I was given Chemothreapy during puberty, and now almost 30 year later and after having a couple of Colonoscopy's I am going through a much milder form of Oral Chemo. I am not sure weither or not I'd want more Chemo, or another Camera put in my butt. At least with the Oral Chemo I am taking now my side effects are less caustic..
  • cherrichiodo;1748 said:
    People who reply with the "good cancer" comment are idiots and have probably never been affected by the disease (otherwise they would NOT be making that comment). Regardless, people say some stupid crap when they really don't know what to say.

    I took my 13 yo daughter to see the gyno (almost 9 months post radiation) to discussed Lauren's menopausal symptoms. I had mentioned that I was a little upset that the rad onc didn't explain in great detail that the radiation would most likely cause the menopause (not to mention so much scar tissue she would need surgery). She said "Not everyone needs to have children. I don't have any children and I am fine." My mouth just dropped open.


    I guess someone needs to brush up on their bedside manner. That was as callous a comment that I have ever heard from a Doctor let alone an Oncologist.
  • AKramerAKramer Community Member
    No kidding. Don't try and one up us - we play the cancer card, we win, period!
  • RaeLeahRaeLeah Community Member
    I let my bio teacher know about the fact that I had a stem cell transplant. Her response? "That's so cool! I had a near-death experience recently too."

    Gee. Thanks. Yeah, the whole being-hooked-up-to-tubes-thing-while-being-isolated-in-a-room-for-6-weeks-and-throwing-up-every-two-seconds-while-feeling-like-you're-gonna-die experience was just SO cool.
  • amandabcsamandabcs Community Member
    Oh, I'm 'dying' to know what her experience was!? Unless it was a stem cell transplant, then she sucks and needs to be put in check...but it always amazes me how people equate an experience they've had, to one they haven't. Apples and oranges people!
    RaeLeah;3194 said:
    I let my bio teacher know about the fact that I had a stem cell transplant. Her response? "That's so cool! I had a near-death experience recently too."

    Gee. Thanks. Yeah, the whole being-hooked-up-to-tubes-thing-while-being-isolated-in-a-room-for-6-weeks-and-throwing-up-every-two-seconds-while-feeling-like-you're-gonna-die experience was just SO cool.
  • CareyCarey Community Member
    amandabcs;3195 said:
    Oh, I'm 'dying' to know what her experience was!? Unless it was a stem cell transplant, then she sucks and needs to be put in check...but it always amazes me how people equate an experience they've had, to one they haven't. Apples and oranges people!

    I totally agree. I can imagine a couple of things that might justify such a response, struck by lightening, mauled by a tiger, but I doubt that any of them happened to her. Gotta love people trying to relate in totally inappropriate ways.
  • beeslybeesly Community Member
    The worst line I ever got was from a stranger while I was shopping alone, sans wig (my treatment was in the summer and my wig made my head sweat so I didn't wear it often). A lady in her 40s or 50s stopped me and asked, "Excuse me, are you sick or something?" (!) I was so stunned by the question that I just said "Yes, I have cancer." And she follows up with, "Well I just wanted to tell you how lucky you are - you have a perfect head shape for having to lose your hair," and walks away. I was left absolutely speechless. I guess people think they're helping, and don't realize how awkward and unhelpful they actually are once they open their mouths.
  • I just recently had a stem cell transplant (62 days ago) and after losing 50+ lbs in 30 days my doctor told me she wanted me to put on a significant weight. With that, I said "But it's swimsuit season and I'm just one transplant away from my goal weight."
    She was not amused.