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Best Worst Cancer Lines

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  • I met a guy who had a sarcoma in his leg. He's doing awesome these days. Extremely athletic. I'm pretty sure he could tear me a new one two ways on a bike and I've got two good legs still.
  • I can totally relate to the bone marrow biopsy stories. My doctors told me it wouldn't be any worse than a bee sting. I don't know what kind of bee they have ever been stung by but that was probably one of the most painful things I have experienced with my cancer so far! Definitely will be asking for some sort of sedation next time!
  • I didn't have a biopsy but they harvested some bone from my hip to be able to graft my rod in (which they didn't have to end up doing) and that 1/2 inch incision hurts worse than the 10 1/2 inch one on my thigh.
  • no reply to that one

    I had cervical cancer. A doctor said to me, "well maybe you can look at your diagnosis and treatment as pennance for some of the lifestyle choices you have made...."
  • LuckyOne;4996 said:
    I had cervical cancer. A doctor said to me, "well maybe you can look at your diagnosis and treatment as pennance for some of the lifestyle choices you have made...."


    :eek2: :eek2: :eek2: :frown:
    that's horrible, as if having cancer wasn't enough, i'm sorry you had to hear that.
  • LuckyOne;4996 said:
    I had cervical cancer. A doctor said to me, "well maybe you can look at your diagnosis and treatment as pennance for some of the lifestyle choices you have made...."

    You should have punched him in the face (or kicked him depending on when this comment was made. ;) )
  • !!!!!!!!

    i am speechless. what an ass.
  • LuckyOne;4996 said:
    I had cervical cancer. A doctor said to me, "well maybe you can look at your diagnosis and treatment as pennance for some of the lifestyle choices you have made...."

    wow... I am also speechless...
  • I would be finding a new doctor, right after I kicked him in the groin. (I usually do not condone violence, but in this case it's warranted)
  • LuckyOne;4996 said:
    I had cervical cancer. A doctor said to me, "well maybe you can look at your diagnosis and treatment as pennance for some of the lifestyle choices you have made...."

    I would have punched him in the nads and told him that was HIS pennance for such an idiotic comment!
  • Every time I've ever been through treatment people have told me I don't look sick. "You look great for someone with cancer!" I guess I'm just really good at hiding how I feel, but that doesn't mean I don't feel like crap and it doesn't mean I need to be pushed beyond my limits.
  • LuckyOne;4996 said:
    I had cervical cancer. A doctor said to me, "well maybe you can look at your diagnosis and treatment as pennance for some of the lifestyle choices you have made...."

    That comment is worth a very stiff kick to the groin (I'm told that hurts for both sexes, so your bases should be covered) and a very dramatic scene in the waiting room for all the other patients to hear about how judgmental the doctor is.
  • I've got quite a few from my family and friends when I got diagnosed with Osteosarcoma.
    One of the worst I can recall is my uncle sitting next to me on the day I did my surgery. He kept saying: ''So.. they are gonna cut off your leg? Don't worry, you have a wheel chair.'' -.-
    It made me teary. I don't even know why he said it. It's not something funny!
    But thank god I got an implant in my leg instead of my leg going missing. (Cancer had weakened my knee bones so much that they had to remove them) Boo uncle anyway!
    And then there's my Mum who keeps saying I can do everything like a normal kid after my surgery even though we both clearly knew I cannot. It makes me sad too.
    In my friend circle, most of them doesn't get my life. They say I'm really lucky and shitt, and the fact that I get soo many holidays!
    I don't call it lucky. I call it screwed up! I'd rather go to school and do things than deal with cancer.

    Most people just don't understand what it's like to be a cancer patient.
  • I have a bucketload but I just had to put these two down because they are my all time favorites.

    At a med school party:
    Her: I mean, OMG, cancer. Just know, you know, we're all with you. You're totally not alone.
    Me: (touched) Aww, thanks, but I'm really doing OK.
    Her: Yeah, but this must be so stressful!
    Me: Well, yes, a little, but...
    Her: (interrupting) I know just how you feel! My boyfriend's mom is mad at me!
    Me: ... !?!
    This person is a medical student. She will be in the hospital, seeing patients, in about 6 months. AAHHH!!! (@ luckyone - I think now we know what your doc was like a few years ago - still clueless and ridiculous!)


    In a clinic waiting room:
    (I am reading a book about cancer)
    Old lady: (sees book) Oh, honey...
    Me: ...
    Old lady: You know, you look great!
    Me: ...thanks?
    Old lady: So did my mom before she died. You know, she died in the hospice on ___ ___ road and they took such good care of her. She wasn't in pain at all!
    Me: !?!
    Old lady: (digging in her purse) You know, I think I still have a brochure on cancer care there. (pulls out pamphlet from bag and hands it to me) Do you want to keep this?

    I'll put it this way: one of us was REALLY close to ending up in hospice that day and it was NOT me.
  • Having cancer doesn't make you lucky and yes, you are right, the chemo or radiation treatments will make you weak but there are so many people who have come through and beaten cancer and they feel so triumphant and have a new view on how precious life is. While I understand that you do feel weak, tired and sick, there are some things that can help you through those side effects such as a good diet and exercise. There are also clinically proven medical foods like XtraCal Plus or Gelatine 20 that help you get the nutrients you need without having to consume large food portions. Don't give up. I know it isn't easy in the least...I think people are just trying to stay positive because what good will it do to be upset all the time? Cherish the life you have and make the best of every day.
    Sarah
  • Oh man, what people say without forethought!

    #1 the nurse/ultrasound tech who came to my room to do an ultrasound on my PICC line-
    her: "Are you bald for religious reasons?"
    me: "Uh, well, I am a patient here on the oncology floor and you are doing an ultrasound on my PICC line because something was blocked after my chemo round"
    her: "oh, I just saw your religious figurine (ganesh) and thought that you may have shaved your head
    me: "Uh nope, just the standard AML and chemo baldness"
    her: "oh, that's a shame"
    me: "oh, yea"


    I needed to go out so badly once I got out of the hospital this last time, so I went with my husband to the local place down the street. I had my face mask on, and took it off once we were seated. We were seated next to this couple and their child, and I said let's move down one table, just in case the child had something, no biggie. As we were eating, the husband leans across the tables and says in a really loud voice "ARE YOU SICK? BECAUSE IF YOU ARE YOU NEED TO MOVE, MY WIFE IS PREGNANT AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET HER SICK." To which, my husband looks him square in the face and says "my wife has cancer and has to be careful about bacteria, viruses and other issues", to which he answers loudly "LOOK, JUST DON'T GET MY WIFE SICK." At this point, I'm just hurt and in pain, and my husband is about ready to take this guy out. We finish our meal, and are leaving, and he's letting his little child run all over the restaurant and just being obnoxious, so my husband goes up to him and says "hey, I wanted to let you know that you really hurt my wife's feelings and hope to god that you NEVER have to have your wife go through what she is going through" to which the dickhead says "hey, who gives a shit, my wife asked me to say that to you and get out of my face." By now the manager is out there, asked me what happened I told him, he apologized profusely and I said "hey it wasn't you, this is a nice place" and my husband and I walked out.
  • WOW people can be real assholes when they want to be.

    My best one yet was recently.
    "you have cancer? I had a mole removed so we're in the same boat."
    I just luaghed and dismissed it.
  • Wow, people can be pretty tactless (or as newBeginning said, downright assholes)...

    When friends ask what my treatment plan looks like (chemo, surgery, chemo in a basic structure), followed by what they'll do during surgery, I explain that to remove the tumor, they'll have to take out some of my femur, which'll be replaced by a metal replica, a sort of more in depth knee replacement. The most common response is "Hey, you'll be bionic!"
    No thanks, I'd much rather be organic and not set off airport scanners...

    -jenn.
  • My friend wrote a poem once to me that said (this was before they knew I had cancer)
    dear lumpy,
    your silly leg bumpy
    might make you grumpy, and
    down in the dump(s)y.

    but never you worry-
    doc'll find a curey
    fix you up in a hurry.
    thats all. love, Shurry

    Then right before i had surgery (i was supposed to be "bionic" too, but escaped that) she wrote me a poem about being her "bionic legged friend"
    I treasure these poems and whenever I'm feeling "blue" i read them and get a good laugh
  • These are all great. My favorite dipshit line came from some random stranger while I was out one day standing in line to get some ice cream. I was wearing an earloop mask because my white cell counts were low and the stranger, instead of speaking to me, spoke directly to the young lady with whom I was standing and said, "That's so polite of him to wear a mask. Does he have a cold or the flu?" It was as if I wasn't there or I was some kind of mute who couldn't respond for myself.

    If I saw someone wearing a mask in public, I would *NEVER* think to ask them why unless I was already engaged in a dialogue with them. I understand this lady was ignorant and her intentions weren't malicious, but JESUS CHRIST! Display some common courtesy, folks.
  • A few days after my breast cancer diagnosis, and a few days before I found out that it was stage four, a long time family friend told me it was karma. Not because I was a terrible person, but because the universe has to be handing me a sh*t sandwich because somewhere, sometime, I must have insulted someone or served my kid oatmeal instead of pizza for breakfast?!

    Yeah, I'm done.

    But the best thing is having people tell me they had no idea that quiet little me was such an amazing warrior. I love it and it fuels me!
  • These lines are a mixture of stupidness, ignorance, and plain assholeness.

    Usually I am the one making the jokes first. I figure if I make the jokes first, I am less likely to be put in an awkward situation... it seems to be working so far, thankfully.
    But I am still in the beginning of all this, so I still have a lot to go through and a lot to learn. :)
  • My mom just told me the other night when I was diagnosed one of her coworkers implied that God was punishing us for not going to church enough or something.

    Sounds a bit extreme to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat, lady! :cool:
  • Steffanee Caiola;5496 said:
    My mom just told me the other night when I was diagnosed one of her coworkers implied that God was punishing us for not going to church enough or something.

    Sounds a bit extreme to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat, lady! :cool:

    People like that are spiteful and disgusting. Judgmental much? One of many reasons I don't go to church...so I can spend more time away from people like that.

    I get the impression people like that die unfulfilled and unhappy, and that's not how I want to go.
  • Steffanee Caiola;5496 said:
    My mom just told me the other night when I was diagnosed one of her coworkers implied that God was punishing us for not going to church enough or something.

    Sounds a bit extreme to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat, lady! :cool:

    I have encountered a few people like that as well. And then there are the people who say you aren't getting better fast enough because you aren't praying enough.
  • eileenbunny;5513 said:
    And then there are the people who say you aren't getting better fast enough because you aren't praying enough.

    The ones that get me are the ones who imply that the cancer spread because I wasn't positive enough, or worried to much. Yeah, cause that helps! (and I am positive enough, thank you very much!)
  • I had been on a few dates with a guys during the time I was diagnosed. These are the two lines he said that made me stop answering his phone calls...

    "I know you are going through a hard time but when you say you are going to call you should call." Excuse me? This isn't just a hard time this is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with!! And no, I don't care that you sat by the phone all night while I was trying to figure out how I was going to deal with my hair falling out.

    "You should live everyday like it's your last." No he wasn't being mean or funny or anything he thought this was just an acceptable thing to say to me.

    I also hate when people tell me who they knew that had cancer that died. Yes, I am using this thread as a way to vent and it feels awesome!

    I get the good cancer stuff but that doesn't bother me as much as the others. And how positive can someone possibly be? I am usually in a pretty good mood but sometimes I'm just completely sad and have to cry.
  • My airheaded cousin was on a tirade about "baby loss" on Facebook, she herself being completely unable to keep her legs together but otherwise not having lost any children at birth or to SIDS. I should add my aunt lost a son to SIDS, and promptly told my cousin to shut the hell up.

    "Unlike cancer, there's no cure for baby loss"

    I told her the next time she had a thought, she should greet it warmly; it would be in unfamiliar territory. As I expected, it went completely over her head.

    On an unrelated note, it always gets me that people say that it's very treatable these days and there's only a such-and-such chance of dying. My brother said that when we were out shooting. I took out a five-shot revolver, emptied four cylinders, and plunked it on the table, looking at him.

    "There's only a 20% percent chance you'll die if I put this against your head and pull the trigger," I said. "Is that reason to be happy or positive?"

    He shook his head after a bit.

    Plus no one ever understands the statistics. The chance of survivability is throughout the entire lifetime of the patient, not during just the initial treatment period. As such, you've no way of knowing you're a "cancer survivor" until your life is over and hopefully something else has killed you. Fun stuff, right?

    The one I hate most is "You should live every day like it was your last." I am an extremely angry person who has been swindled, insulted, hurt, assaulted, or done wrong by a whole phonebook full of scummy people. Living every day like it was my last would mean hunting them all down and doing something intricate to each of them involving a claw hammer, slender glass rods, and the human urethra. No one in their right mind would want others to live every day like it was their last, and if they did, life has been far too kind to them.
  • Right after I finished explaining my diagnosis to my good friend at school her stupid and annoying roommate who happened to be there said to me, "Well, don't get addicted to your drugs."

    I had absolutely no idea how to respond to that. I just stared blankly at her until she shrugged and left the room.
  • KingJamesKPolk;6185 said:
    Right after I finished explaining my diagnosis to my good friend at school her stupid and annoying roommate who happened to be there said to me, "Well, don't get addicted to your drugs."

    I had absolutely no idea how to respond to that. I just stared blankly at her until she shrugged and left the room.
    My husband has cancer and for the past 25 years or so his mother has had one kind or another of cancer. He's been the primary go-to person for his mom for the past 7 years while she's been on successively stronger painkillers (the cancer is at this point untreatable). If we had a dollar for every time a family member on the other side of the country said, "your mom isn't sick, she's just a drug addict" we would be very, very rich.

    Ignorance truly is bliss.