7 Years Clean, Still Struggling With Life After

It's been about 7 years since my surgery to remove my brain tumor & life is still so rough sometimes. I know I'm better off without it & totally lucky to still be alive & doing so well but somedays I just wanna break down & cry because of all of the frustration.

The surgery has left me still a little slow with daily things like reading, walking, & just functioning. Along with that, I've been stuck with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV). I've had past employers, family, & friends get on me about being slow or losing track of what's going on but I can't help it, I really try. Somedays it's scary thinking just one wrong move & I can either konk myself out or go into a violent vertigo spell.

When us friends go out to the fair or just hanging out I feel so different, so wrong, & uncomfortable. I can't do those things I used to & I'm left sitting on the sidelines wishing I could be normal too. I really do miss playing sports like crazy. I always try to stay positive but lately it's been really bothering me with so much going on.

Anyone else ever have similiar feelings? Trying to figure how to deal. If I should see docs or whatever, I don't know.


  • 4 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • I'm so sorry to hear that, it must be very difficult for you and violent vertigo? That sounds awful! I feel for ya. If you feel like you want to talk to a Dr. you should! That and a counselor. They might be able to help you...if anything help you work through your feelings. It is difficult to stay positive all the time. My husband was dx only 6 months ago...it's a daily struggle for us to keep it together. I think brain is different in so many ways because it can cause so many different things for people. My husband has seizures so he has experienced so many different things with that and med side effects alone. He worries people will judge him or think he's not as he used to be, which he's not. But he tries really hard. :) I'm in the mode now in which we need to focus on what we can do and not the can't do's. I know it is difficult. But I would at least try to get some help, to see if they can help with what you are dealing with...and then maybe you can do some of the things you used to do. OR find new things you love to do! :)

  • You know, what you're right. I think maybe I need to try to fix this, no one else will for me, it's my job. Tomorrow I will see about making an appointment & sit down with a few close friends & fam to open up about my struggling. A few new activities would be nice. Brain is a toughy, you're right about that too. It's like the big main part of the whole body operation, so many different things to be affected. I wish you & your husband the best. Sometimes you just gotta hit the lows in order to bring yourself back up. Maybe today's the day for me. Thanks for helping me clear my head a bit I really appreciate it. I'm sure your husband will be fine with a wife like you to be strong beside him, I had my mom beside me to help, & it really does. You feed off of each other & only makes a stronger relationship. It is tough, real tough somedays but in the end you're you, always gonna be you so yea it sucks being judged alot but those people don't mean anything. Trying to break people down or being closed minded doesn't do anyone good. Hard to shrug it off sometimes but people are people & some you can't change. Staying focused on taking care of ourselves & the ones we love is the most important thing. And now.. onto calling docs lol, thanks again.
  • what do i expect and yea i am just like you
  • SurvivedSurvived Community Member
    I know exactly how you feel. After having surgery to remove a Medulloblastoma that was in my brain stem, I suffered from severe balance problems and coordination problems in my left hand. It has improved vastly since the surgery in 2000 , but still makes me feel different and sort of "out of place". Plus, the radiation to the head left me partially bald among other things. The baldness can be dealt with easily, if I ever want to have hair again, but the other stuff not so much. It's hard to cope with the physical, mental, and emtional scars that this "experience" has left me with, but I just try to stay positive, even though it's hard. If you feel you need to see a therapist, psychologist, a cancer support group, etc.. you should do it. Brain surgery + chemo + radiation is a hard thing to go through and you may need to explore some of these avenues in order to make you feel better. I did and it didn't completely change my feelings about my situation, but it helped.

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