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Do Not Want

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I've found that post chemo, nothing gets me more excited than a nice, hot... plate of Alfredo at Olive Garden.

We're all adults, but I'll try to keep it tasteful. Before treatment I had somewhat of an above-average libido, but now being intimate seems like a chore. In fact, a lot of times I'd much rather be doing chores.

At first I thought it was because I didn't feel as attractive, but now that I'm back to my former glory I could still think of a hundred different things I'd rather be doing than it. It wouldn't even be an issue for me if I wasn't in a relationship. When I'm running around doing all the things I used to do, it's hard to go to bed at night and say "I don't feel well" and not entirely honest.

Any other ladies or gentlemen experience this?

Comments

  • 15 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • I had a drop in my sex drive because of my transplant and because I was convinced my semen was toxic thanks to the chemo. It just didn't look right. But I had a drop in my testosterone levels and am still getting treated for that. After I began getting testosterone treatments, my sex drive recovered, but it isn't where it used to be. Also having low energy in general isn't helping. I find that doing it during the day when I have more energy helps.
  • Right there with you!! First it was because of my surgery, then it was body image issues. Now, I don't know what my problem is. I think its some subconcious thing about my feelings about myself after my diagnosis. (I haven't spoken to a professional, just my own theory.) I have noticed myself pulling away from a lot of relationships in an effort to protect the person in case I have a recurrence. It was so devastating the first time around, I can't imagine putting them through that again. The interesting thing is that my logical brain knows I'm being ridiculous. I'm just hoping that the more time I put between me and my diagnosis, the better I'll feel about myself. Maybe I need some testosterone... :)
  • Pelvic radiation gave me shrinky lady bits. Everything still works, but it feels like the first time, EVERY time (if you know what I mean). So now I don't want to do it, because then I have to explain why "it might not fit...seriously." And that's a conversation I really just don't want to have.
  • aimatron;2113 said:
    Pelvic radiation gave me shrinky lady bits. Everything still works, but it feels like the first time, EVERY time (if you know what I mean). So now I don't want to do it, because then I have to explain why "it might not fit...seriously." And that's a conversation I really just don't want to have.

    Yeah, there's that too :(
    Glad to see it's not just me. I tried talking to my doctors about it and they said "Oh, well given everything you've been through you shouldn't want to have sex for a while." And by "a while" I'm assuming they mean when my maintenence chemo is done, which is in two years. That's all well and good, but how do I explain that to my fiance who has been celibate for over half a year? :/

    Anyway, funny story. I liked Stupid Cancer forums on facebook, but I accidentally liked this link, and now chances are my fiance's friends and family have read all about our sex life (or lack there of). Big moment of fail.
  • CareyCarey Community Member
    I happen to think that people view cancer survivors as some sort of angels with other worldly powers and whatnot. So maybe it's good you accidentally liked this particular page. It shows everyone else that we have the same needs as everyone else. Also, sex and the issues surrounding that for YAs in particular seems to be totally ignored by the medical establishment. Fail for them. Not you.
  • Haha. That sounds like something I would do...

    Have your doctors introduced you to the wonderful world of vaginal dilators? It's hard, surgical plastic shaped like...em...a cylinder with a rounded tip. That should at least keep things functional until you can get back in the sack, which my doctors will not stop bugging me about. "Have you been seeing anyone?" is always there first question. "NO I DO NOT WANT TO DISCUSS MY LACK OF SEX WITH YOU TODAY."

    Anyways, I'm thinking of offering my services as a consultant to the manufacturers of said dilators, because seriously, there is no incentive for me to use that crap. Can't they at least try to make it fun?
  • DMMDMM Community Member
    And in the words of Tamika Felder (of Tamika & Friends) don't forget the lube!
  • Ahhhh sex! So much fun! NOT!! Since becoming the boobless, hairless wonder things have certainly "dried up" in that area! The crazy thing is, it is not my BF who is turned off, but me! That whole self image thing can be very difficult to deal with and can really be a deal breaker in the bedroom...It has been months, and although I am all finished with feeling like crap from the treatment, I still have no desire to get intimate. I know it will pass, but in the meantime I truly enjoy the new intimacy we have developed by just enjoying each others' company, snuggling more, talking more...it may be a drought right now, but the rains are a-comin'!!
  • billjrbilljr Community Member
    I have seen research articles on BMT survivors this may include women as well as men, Serum testosterone can be in the normal range. But often times the free testosterone and or bioavailable testosterone can be abnormally low. Most Docs will check serum but not free/bio. This is unfortunate. Next time you are scheduled for blood work insist on measuring free T. Mine was way off, tried the topicals, no improvement, a once a week shot has worked well. I also regained 17 lbs over the last 9 months. This is off limits to breast cancer/prostate cancer survivors in general. I do not have a solution for those survivors, maybe viagra??
  • I just can't do it any more :(.

    It physically hurts too much cos radiotherapy shrunk my 'girly bits' too :(, and I have this horrible aversion to my own body now. Not only cos I didn't have a Hysterectomy (tumour was too big and growing sideways so docs elected NOT to do surgery and did concurrent chemo-radiotherapy and Brachytherapy instead) so I was also traumatized by treatment. (I liken it to being raped by the technology :( ). I feel icky that my cancer-ridden womb is still in my body (even though it was radiated beyond recognition and is now just a withered raisin!).

    To make matters worse, my boyfriend is erm, rather large! :o Doh

    Maybe it's my wierd Aspergers' brain, but I just can't do it any more and IT REALLY SUCKS!! >:(

    I know my boyfriend is frustrated and looks elsewhere (i.e. porn) and I used to consider myself rather fit and we had a good sex life before stupid cancer.

    Damn.. :( Not sure what to do....Stupid cancer >..<
  • I miss having someone like crazy but just don't know if I can still perform (would love to get to try though--lol). Seriously I have noticed that "Freddy" ain't always ready like he used to be, and to think that he was the only one that had never let me down!
  • I hate it. Plus I am too tired.
  • Viola Snow;2105 said:
    image

    I've found that post chemo, nothing gets me more excited than a nice, hot... plate of Alfredo at Olive Garden.

    We're all adults, but I'll try to keep it tasteful. Before treatment I had somewhat of an above-average libido, but now being intimate seems like a chore. In fact, a lot of times I'd much rather be doing chores.

    At first I thought it was because I didn't feel as attractive, but now that I'm back to my former glory I could still think of a hundred different things I'd rather be doing than it. It wouldn't even be an issue for me if I wasn't in a relationship. When I'm running around doing all the things I used to do, it's hard to go to bed at night and say "I don't feel well" and not entirely honest.

    Any other ladies or gentlemen experience this?
    I can SO relate to the food thing. During chemotherapy, nothing is better than a hot, steaming bowl of pasta. Sex? My penis just went in a little.

    But OFF of chemo, the weeks in between my treatments, my energy returns remarkably quickly. I often have enough energy to go on jogs and my libido returns, and boy is it there.

    I suppose it's different for everyone.
  • Same! Do not want!! I had my rectum removed, so I think that is the main cause of my physical problems. So much scar tissue. I finally found a gynecologist that suggested seeing a pelvic physical therapist. I've been seeing her twice a week for a couple months. She "manually" works on breaking up the scar tissue inside, and also had me invest in dilators that I use once a day. I think it is finally starting to help open things up a little. Seeing a urogynecologist in a few days to see if he has any suggestions.
    But I have no desire to do anything sexual ever! I wish I felt like I used to.
  • I feel the same way, and for me it is very frustrating. I used to have a very high sex drive (like wanting it every day/night.) Now I couldn't care less whether or not I get any. My fiance who has been with me for over 2 1/2 years got quite used to enjoying my high sex drive. He loved it. And It's like I went from 90 mph to 0 in a blink of an eye. Does desire ever come back? I still have 2 more months of chemo left, and a month of rads...so I know it's going to be a while, but does it ever come back after treatment? Is there anything women can do to increase their sex drive? I love my fiance to death. I just really miss that desire.

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