I have to say that in all honesty I feel pretty good most of the time since my Bone Marrow Transplant, although it is still really early. I am so grateful for all of the help and support I have and realize how lucky I am. But, every once in a while I get this little angry feeling, no so much "why is this happening" but more like I just want to feel normal again. Not new normal, but old normal. I know it sounds ungrateful and selfish but I want to go out with my partner and have a drink and a smoke if I want one, I just want to feel like old me again. I sometimes feel like I have a weight hanging over my head telling me that even if I get better I know I will never be quite the same. I don't know how to explain it with out sounding selfish. In my heart I know I am not healthy yet and even when I get better I'm not going to go out and binge drink and chain smoke. Maybe it's just a longing for some time I didn't know I was going to loose. I don't know, I guess that's what's venting is for. Does anyone else feel blessed / robbed at the same time. Hopefully I'm not the only confused survivor.