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Single and Happy - Anyone Else?

I'd like to know why no one who is single seems to be happy! I am single, have been for quite a while, and I enjoy my life.

If I meet somebody, awesome, but it's not my be all end all. I enjoy being alone and accomplishing things on my own and doing things with friends and family.

Why do we all feel so pressured to get somebody in our life to have sex with or live with or marry?

And not to put couples down, I am happy for anybody in love or enjoying a relationship or having kids. I say, bravo! I'm glad you are enjoying your life!

But why are so many of us so bitter and so upset about not having a significant other?

Comments

  • 18 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • CareyCarey Community Member
    I think it's because there's such a premium put on it. Look at a lot of the TV shows out there, especially the ones geared towards women. Many of them are about trying to find a partner and how that would just make everything in their lives perfect. I'm not single, but when I was, I didn't feel pressured to be in a relationship. But it's different for guys too. People see single guys and there's not the same what's wrong with him talk that goes on with women. Think of the popular images of the old maid vs. the swinger.
  • ambreenambreen Community Member
    I'm single and I'm perfectly content with my life. I think Carey's got a point. A lot of the "if you're single then you can't be happy" kind of thought process is mainly fueled by what the media and what society has portrayed to be the ideal life. Just like the whole you have to be a stick to be pretty thing. People are constantly being fed these images through tv, magazines, whatever and they start comparing their own lives to that. It points out their insecurities and flaws because now they're thinking "what's wrong with me? Why am I not like the people in these magazines or tv shows?" They lose sight of what's good about themselves and their lives and end up embarking on a neverending journey to achieve the "ideal"
  • ZharZhar Community Member
    Emily,

    As it pertains to issues around coping with cancer, I think there's a difference between being single, and being single not having near and interested/obliged people to help one through the difficult stages of cancer treatment and recovery that would be implied in having a sigot (my word for significant other).
    If you're just talking about being single in general, then that's a whole other discussion having to do with basic human instincts, and everyone is not made the same.
  • AKramerAKramer Community Member
    Single and Finally Happy

    It has taken me a while to get over being worried about what someone will think because I had cancer. I'm actually just trying to enjoy dating now; a relationship will happen when it's supposed to, I can't force it. And when I do find the right guy, he's going to look at my scars and my solo nipple and say "Thank god you have these scars, because you wouldn't be here without them"
  • AKramer;2648 said:
    And when I do find the right guy, he's going to look at my scars and my solo nipple and say "Thank god you have these scars, because you wouldn't be here without them"
    Totally agree AKramer! I feel the same way about my scar. It took a long time to be ready for a relationship. I truly thought no one would want someone who can't have kids, especially because I do want kids I just cannot bear them myself. But, the right man will love me and know there are many other options for kids. I think it is something that takes time to be ready for, but relationships happen the when and how the want.
  • ambreenambreen Community Member
    AKramer;2648 said:
    And when I do find the right guy, he's going to look at my scars and my solo nipple and say "Thank god you have these scars, because you wouldn't be here without them"
    I love that and totally agree! Thats a great mantra to live by. The right guy will come along eventually and will love you for who you are no matter what. Its not a matter of if, but a matter of time.
  • 1goodbean1goodbean Community Member
    I've basically always been single and I'm definitely ok with that. Sure, if someone comes along and I start dating or get married, awesome!! I'd love to get married and have kids some day. But for now, that's not in my sight. I'm just working on making myself healthy and continuing to be happy. I do have a question though... I'm not sure how to approach guys about me having had cancer.... I'm the type of person who doesn't mind anyone knowing, heck I'll show anyone who wants the picture of my tumor and my scar. But do people get weirded out or reject (not in a mean way...) those who've had cancer? What are your experiences with it? It's been several years since I've even had a date so, this may never be an issue.. *le sigh* but I'm still curious.
  • Zhar;2644 said:
    I think there's a difference between being single, and being single not having near and interested/obliged people to help one through the difficult stages of cancer treatment and recovery
    ^^I have been struggling with this since everything started. I actually broke up with the boyfriend I thought I was going to marry because I found out a week before my surgery that he was cheating on me.. he's a D**K.. and it's a long story lol, but he got a new girlfriend that he's been dating since like a week after my surgery and sometimes I wonder why God let him have happiness and someone to love and I had to do everything on my own. I gained about 60 pounds through it all as well so my self-confidence is kinda non-existant at the moment and I have dated, but nothing has come out of any of it. The best was the day a guy pointed out my size at a bar.. needless to say I ended up shoving my neck into his face and screaming "I had cancer you piece of sh**!!" it's funny looking back on it. But anyways, my point is I'm also not really sure how to navigate the dating world anymore. It's so hard to start something new with someone when you're focusing so much on yourself and going to the doctors all the time, etc. and forget them understanding everything I've been through. It is what it is I guess...
  • 1goodbean;3398 said:
    I've basically always been single and I'm definitely ok with that. Sure, if someone comes along and I start dating or get married, awesome!! I'd love to get married and have kids some day. But for now, that's not in my sight. I'm just working on making myself healthy and continuing to be happy. I do have a question though... I'm not sure how to approach guys about me having had cancer.... I'm the type of person who doesn't mind anyone knowing, heck I'll show anyone who wants the picture of my tumor and my scar. But do people get weirded out or reject (not in a mean way...) those who've had cancer? What are your experiences with it? It's been several years since I've even had a date so, this may never be an issue.. *le sigh* but I'm still curious.

    I told this guy that I had melanoma when we were discussing what kind of specialty I wanted to go into (I said derm because of the personal experience). I thought he was going to be scared away but he asked me out on a date anyway. He's not the only example tho. U'd be surprised how understanding ppl can be :)
  • I had the same thing happen to me as Julie, except my boyfriend was so self involved with his problems that he waited till the week of my biopsy to admit to his parents he had issues. His parents then thought it fit to break the lease we shared and take him home. He didn't fight it and he has yet to make contact with me since they drove him home. They came back later to pack his things and I knew we were broken up when his mom told me she was sorry this had to happen. I was so pissed and remain pissed because I couldn't yell at him. I was 21 when I started dating him and he was my first real bf for 1 1/2 yrs. I don't know how to go about dating again. I've only had 2 treatments so I have a few more to go and it sux not having that person telling you when your hair falls out that you still look good and knowing they mean. When it comes from the family its just not the same. I don't really care to date too much, I mean its good for the most part but I have always been independent and made sure I worked towards my goals before some one else. But since I don't have a college roommate anymore and I work 45 hrs a week it sux not to have the company.
  • 1goodbean;3398 said:
    I've basically always been single and I'm definitely ok with that. Sure, if someone comes along and I start dating or get married, awesome!! I'd love to get married and have kids some day. But for now, that's not in my sight. I'm just working on making myself healthy and continuing to be happy. I do have a question though... I'm not sure how to approach guys about me having had cancer.... I'm the type of person who doesn't mind anyone knowing, heck I'll show anyone who wants the picture of my tumor and my scar. But do people get weirded out or reject (not in a mean way...) those who've had cancer? What are your experiences with it? It's been several years since I've even had a date so, this may never be an issue.. *le sigh* but I'm still curious.

    My suggestion is just be yourself. If someone can't see past this part of your life, they're not worth your time. As for how to bring it up, personally, I wouldn't bring it up till you knew you had solid interest in this person and you could see it turning into more than a couple of dates.
  • Mia..
    we're totally living the same life!! I'm completely independent and cannot stand clingly guys or always "needing someone" hahaha but minus me losing my hair because I just had iodine radiation not chemo.. but I did gain a bunch of weight, like a bunch and don't feel as pretty as I used to... everything you said could have been something I would have wrote. And idk like you said.. it would be really nice to have someone tell me I'm still beautiful through it all who isn't a family member or some who you know is just saying it to "make you feel better" lol I hate complaining about it because it sounds so stupid, but when all your girl friends are getting hit on at bars and you're just standing there.. it gets super old. And as for the roommate thing... you could have totally had mine that I lived with this past year. She was a child. omg I've never been so irriated by a human being in my life! haha
  • bpojb03bpojb03 Community Member
    single and happy. thanx for starting this thread. i am also one of those super independent people with a lot of friends. so i dont really like to date people that i do not already know. between school, work, friends, family, and health, i do not really have time or energy to make a deep connection with someone new. however, my friends are constantly trying to get me to date and now my psychologist wants me to start looking too.

    i really do not understand the need to not be single. it is easy for me to be single because i have had a few good relationships so i am not stressed about finding "the one." any good relationship i have had has just happened and was easy because i wanted to spend as much time as possible with that person, so it didnt seem like work. i also dont want to get married or have kids, so i dont feel like i am wasting my time being single.

    the hard part for me is trying to figure out why everyone else is so uncomfortable with me being single and if i should do anything about it. i dont like going to bars or clubs to meet people because i do not drink or smoke. it is also really difficult for me to dance for medical reasons. so that in itself makes meeting new people difficult. on top of that, i am gay but when i go to gay bars i only get hit on by the opposite sex. which is so irritating i cant even put it into words. which brings me back to i only end up dating people i already know because they are the only ones who know that i am gay and that i know will stick around and put up with my schedule and health issues.
  • Jason Kratky;3716 said:
    My suggestion is just be yourself. If someone can't see past this part of your life, they're not worth your time. As for how to bring it up, personally, I wouldn't bring it up till you knew you had solid interest in this person and you could see it turning into more than a couple of dates.
    Done! haha how quickly things can change. Met a guy and didnt tell him right off the bat, but felt pretty good and secure about him and then he was the one who asked me why i had been sick and in the hospital. His mom had cancer when he was young and so he's super understanding. :) Yay!
  • 1goodbean;4614 said:
    Done! haha how quickly things can change. Met a guy and didnt tell him right off the bat, but felt pretty good and secure about him and then he was the one who asked me why i had been sick and in the hospital. His mom had cancer when he was young and so he's super understanding. :) Yay!

    That's awesome! Congratulations :)
  • Mishanne;4615 said:
    That's awesome! Congratulations :)

    Thanks!! He's in the Army, so I guess me being independent, good and fine as a single will help when he's deployed.
  • Well, at the moment I'm single and pretty happy. Last year though I had a girlfriend (until about December), and at first she was really supportive. Then, a few months into treatment, it seemed after we had talked on Skype (with video) she didn't respond to my calls or Facebook messages (and I know she was active there because her wall updated with games). During that particular Skype conversation I wasn't wearing a wig or head covering (and had lost all my hair). So yeah, it seemed odd that she seemed to stop talking to me after that.

    So a few months ago I broke it off with her and sent her back her stuff. It was only really recently, when I told some people in a chatroom I frequent (all real life friends already knew and were upset that she had ignored me) about it they were saying how she didn't sound like a very nice person, that I didn't need anyone to make me happy, I could do it on my own (also, none of my other friends abandoned me).
  • I feel the same way Julie and Mia. I was diagnosed straight out of graduating college and my body image and self esteem wasn't too bad before but now I hate the way I look. I hate how my hair grew back so curly and it is still very short (ended treatments beginning of this year)...it kind of looks like a jew fro ha! But I try to tame it and am partially successful. I also gained a ton of weight from chemo and steroids. It has been soooo difficult getting this weight off and getting back in shape because of all the damage that was done to the insides of my body. So obviously, I am not dating right now because I do not feel confident about the way I look. It will take some time, I know that, but I get impatient with the whole newly survivorship process.