Before cancer, I felt that I was moving in the right direction in my life. I had some savings, I was beginning to develop a good skill set at work, and I was engaged. Now that I'm post treatment, I feel like I'm broken down, tapped out physically and emotionally. I'm recovering from a massive physical and emotional hit (you can read about it in a different post). But most of all I feel like I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my life and reassemble them. The only problem is they don't fit right anymore. I guess I'm struggling with the "what next?" My family wants me to have a plan. But I don't want to plan in too much detail right now and be disappointed if and when it doesn't work out. I just want to focus on the recovering aspect and wait to do the planning until I feel at least a bit better. I had a bunker mind set when I was in treatment in that if I focused on just getting through and hunkered down I would make it. Now I don't want to come out of my bunker because I feel safe there. So where do I go from here? Beats me, but it seems like I can chose the road to shitsburg or the road to crapville. And moreover, how do I get the pieces of my life back into some sort of order? Screw the "new normal" talk. I just want to have 5 minutes where something isn't in transition or flux or up in the air. I just want to feel settled. I guess I'll start there.