Yeah, I guess if I need to vent, best to do it here.
I'm sick of being so young and having stage 4 breast cancer. I was diagnosed with it from the get-go at 30. I'm "used" to it - as much as one can be. I took 5 months off work and am now worried I'm going to lose my job bec. it came back. I had a liver resection to get the cancer. It was successful but I just learned that the cancer in my breast is again active so I need to switch treatment. When you're stage 4, it's common practice not to get a mastectomy - unless it's the only spot aglow on the PET after 1st treatment. That is now my case. I've been on hormone therapy but I'm sure that now I'll be given an oral chemo drug like Xeloda. And after that stops working I'll be switched to something else. Etc etc.
I know I'm making no sense - I'm actually pretty articulate in real life - and am spewing random ramblings. But I hate that I am sick when I don't have the luxury of being jobless and money-less. I have a husband who is slowly losing it and 2 kids, 8 and 5 - and the 5 year old is autistic and I'm not spending enough time focusing on him. I hate the "mommy needs to get better" conversations and can't explain it to my younger son. But of course I'm grateful that, now in menopause, I have kids at all. So there is my bright side.
I've handled 2 1/2 years of being cancer-ridden, and have held up nicely despite everything, but I am now FED UP to the point of no return bec this shit keeps coming BACK bec. I'm stage 4. I don't know if I'll make it to my 40s and that sucks. I really wanted to travel the world after my retirement - which now is such a cruel joke. I won't go into the brutal reality that I may not see my kids grow up and have families of their own. Let's not go there.
That's it, I'm done for now. I'm not sure I feel better. I don't think I do.:(