Frustrated and don't know what to do...

Have you ever just felt like you wanted things to go back to normal? My husband and I are going through round 3 of colorectal cancer and this time around he was staged at a 4 with it moving to his lungs and spleen....even though it is him that is going through it, I feel like I can't keep my head above water. I have demands from my teaching job, demands at home as a wife, demands as a pet owner, and now demands as a care giver. Today it just seems that I can't keep it all in the air. I teach chemistry and my kids just got on my nerves so much that I let it get the best of me today. I find my attention span and my patience running very thin. I don't know how to keep it all together for everyone that is counting on husband, parents, inlaws, students, administrators, and everyone else. I feel that there are boulders being thrown on my head and I can't get out of the hole I am in before another one is thrown...I just don't know what to do. I know everyone else is busy too, but if you have any advice, I will defiantly take it....feeling like I just can't handle it...



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  • I'm also a teacher (Algebra) and a cancer survivor. I wish I had some great advice to give, but there is no magic bullet. The only thing I can offer is to try to take some time to do something you enjoy on occasion. I KNOW how hard it is, and it doesn't make everything magically better, but it helps a little. Hang in there. None of us know what we're doing. We're all trying to roll with the punches. If all else fails, get some happy pills from the doc ;)

    Stay strong

  • Hi Heather,
    As I am battling breast cancer, I thank my dear husband everyday for being auch a great caretaker. I imagine that you are just plain tired, as stupid cancer is really exhausting for everyone. It sounds like you need regular breaks, not just a break. Maybe you can ask a family member to help a couple of times a week, just to give you some down time. Even if you just lay on the sofa and zone out for an hour or so. This may give you the boost you need to continue on. I will pray for you
    both :-)

  • heather

    I know how you feel. Im a single mother, i work full time, have a dog, a house, and all the fun that goes on with life including my boyfriend who has cancer. He was diagnosed this past year with stage four sarcoma and our lives have not been the same since then. i want my life to be normal so bad, but i don't even know what that means anymore. what is normal? is normal being 28 and having to bath my boyfriend, or help dress him, or clean out his toliet because the tumor ate most of his nerves to walk or move. Whenever i do have a free minute to myself to be "normal" i feel so guilty for not being there for him i can't even enjoy myself. my life is falling apart every second of everyday and i can't do anything to stop it. its unbearbale at times. but i wake up every morning with a smile on my face drop my son off of school go to work and come home to deal with what i call life. i don't have much advice but if i did it would be to cherish every moment you have with your husband and try to remember the times before cancer ruined everything and hope that someday you will get back there again. I do not know what my life would be like without my boyfriend in it. if you ever want to chat let me know, it would be nice to have someone who is going through this same shitty situation.
  • I don't know about advice, except the ole: if you're going through hell, keep going. My fiancee is going through the SSI/Disability process which they "compassionately allowed" tobe fast tracked because of the state of his cancer (he also has disabilities from being shot three times in the leg in Houston he was an innocent bystander) but right now I am the only moneymaker. and I really understand your one boulder after another description. I agree, to cherish every day, and try to take time for yourself (ha!) and come here to the forums and bitch and curse and scram and vent and anything else that helps, because we know how you feel and we are here to support you. stupid cancer
  • (hugs) take sometime for yourself even if it's ten minutes sit and be still. I've been there and back again. On top of a kid in the I get it I do. Overwhelmed is the word! You are only one person and you can't do it all alone. Try to get some help wherever you can. Focus on what's most important. And do not forget to take care of yourself!
  • It's so hard to take time for yourself when there is a mountain of stuff to do...and you know there is no way you can get to it all...we meet with the chemo doctor again tomorrow, and my stomach is in knots....I can't imagine how my husband feels. The surgeon gave the go ahead to start even though the wounds are still open...scary because chemo stops all healing....risk of infection is super scary....I have a feeling my mood stabilizers are not working...and now I need to go to the doctor....can I not just get a free pass......
  • Hi Heather, my husband has cancer. He goes in for surgery on Monday. I've been feeling overwhelmed with work (and it's slow for me right now), and my pets. We don't have kids. I see a therapist. A really good one. And that helps me. it's part of the whole "do something for yourself." I found her from a recommendation from a professional. But your friends may have info for a good therapist. That's my time to talk about whatever I need. I try to go once a week when I feel I really need it. It's the best money I can spend -- way better than a massage or a pedicure. I get to talk about me and say the things I would never say to anyone else. That's my advice. But I can kind of relate to what you're going through. If you'd like to talk more let me know. Best wishes, haley
  • I know what you mean as far as trying to take on many rolls and one more being a caregiver or caretaker. There's not something you can do that magically helps (but I know, wish there was some days). Every day is something new and all you can do is go with what you think is right. All you can do is to try your best even though some days ur so stressed and dead tired u wished your head explode. If anything helps, do something that you love and enjoy that maybe you haven't done in a while or take a few days off possibly.

    Never forget to take care of yourself..your health is just as important as your husband's.
  • LizParisLizParis Community Member
    Hi darlin,
    I'm new here, and I don't know all the etiquette, but I do know the sound of your story. 4 years we've been fighting my husband's brain cancer. And then last year the "event" happened and he lost so much. Couldn't walk, couldn't talk, didn't seem to understand much that was said to him. It's been a long year, let me tell you. And I am tired, like you. I imagine you're not getting enough sleep, and it's hard not to be frustrated with the world around you because they all just keep on going, and no one seems to GET how damn hard this is. And I'm sure it's changed you as a person.
    I'm doing a little better these days, and all I can tell you is what I did. I called my doctor. Told her my husband was dying and I was pretty sure I'd gone crazy. And she helped. She listened and said she thought it was time to try taking medicine, a thought I did NOT relish. But I trusted her, and I was completely honest with her, and we found some things that help ME. Now I'm not saying TAKE PILLS, here. I'm saying go to a doctor. Be honest and see if they can help. And don't let anyone sweep you under the rug.
    I'll be saying a little prayer for you, and thinking on you. I hope you find some peace and rest soon.