It has been about a year and a half since my diagnosis. At taht time i was given 3-12 months to live. Obviously I had other plans. I am still in pretty good health and do not intend to go anywhere anytime soon. I plan to be one of the long term survivors that defy all expectations. But here is my issue... Yesterday a friend's mother in law died from brain cancer. I am still not sure if it was the exact same kind as mine, but that seems irrelevant to me right now. See, she was only diagnosed less than two months ago. Granted she was older and had been through other medical issues as well. But boom. just like that, she is gone. She didn't even finish her first round of treatment. I understand that things work differently in different people and no two cancers are the same. I just cannot help feeling guilty that she is gone and i am here. How will I ever be able to look her son and grandchildren in the face knowing i lived and she didn't even really have a chance to fight? My husband says that what would have been unfair would be for me to die and leave my small children without a mother and for this woman, who has lived a longer life, to have lived. I can see his logic, i would never wish that level of pain on my children/family....but i don't wish it for my friend's family either. I have known them since childhood. I love them all as if they were my blood. I am quite confused. I wish i could erase thier pain.