Struggling family

Anyone else struggling at the moment? Having a really hard time keeping up with my one and two year old. I feel like a terrible mother most days because I just don't have the energy to keep up!

I am almost finished my treatment and glad to see the end is near, but in the meantime, I feel like I could use an extra hand -- even though I have awesome support with my husband, mother, and all the rest of the family.

I guess I'm not really looking for any advice or anything here and this post is quite pointless, but I thought I'd get the ball rolling in this forum.

Comments

  • 5 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • You are not alone! My husband and I have a beautiful baby girl who was only 2 months old when I got my diagnosis. It's hard keeping up with learning to be a new mom and the excitment of all her "firsts" when not feeling well.
  • Yeah, I was nearly 9 months pregnant with my second when I got diagnosed. I had to go in for all of my surgeries 2 weeks post partum. I felt like it was so hard to deal with the whole cancer thing and still properly bond with my new baby when she was born. Not to mention the pregnancy hormones that go along with that. It is still a struggle over a year later and its hard to stay positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
  • My husband and I have an 8 year old and we feel so much guilt that she has to go through this. It's a struggle everyday. Mentally and physically. Our daughter has seen things and dealt with things NO child should have to go through. Ben has brain cancer and now has seizures and has fallen and that makes us all nervous. Willow asks us if he will die. she was so upset when after 30 radiation treatments the tumor wasn't gone...it's so hard to explain to her! We try to focus on "normal" everyday things and when we need to talk we do. As far as needing help I think it's so important to ask when you can reach out and get help if you are too tired to do it on your own. In my case I'm taking care of both of them so when I go get groceries that is my break. His mom is my only relief. I have a hard time keeping her quiet and calm so it doesn't trigger a seizure...or bother Ben. That makes me insane to try to keep an 8 year old quiet! Especially with winter. and I can't leave her alone with him anymore either which makes me feel like a single mom. He can't take her and do things with her...the issues go on and on. He tries to do things with her when he can...even if it's reading in bed. Today actually she wrote him a poem and is going to read it in front of the whole school for her talent show, quite a feat for her...she is super shy. :) But it's for him! Good luck to you all.
  • I'm right there with you! I have a 2 1/2 year old boy, the love of my life. I try to keep things as normal as possible for him. He doesn't know much, just that mommy goes to the dr and I'm sick, and my hair falls out, and he looks at my port, my "owie". The few days after treatment, I sleep and lay a lot and daddy takes over which I am thankful for and I know not everyone else has that incredible support. I try to make up for my lack of stamina on the next weekends when I feel good, we try to do some sort of activity as a family and have fun. I understand how hard it is to need help but you just don't know what exactly to ask for. I feel guilty if I send our son somewhere, I either feel guilty that I'm not the one playing with him, that I'm not the one taking him and watching him with the other kids. Or I feel guilty that I'm burdening others. But then I'd just give anything to sleep and not have to think about it. I just hate missing out, and this damn chemo brain makes me forget a lot.
  • My own situation

    I understand what you mean, I am in radiotherapy to cover the removal surgery from my medulloblastoma as well. I am 27 and have two boys, 3 and 1. They are both in a stage that require a lot of attention as you know, and their boistrois way requires even more. The 3 year old isn't talking properly, and gets frustrated when tied to his usual toddler attitude is tough.

    We're both at the point where your watching him vent and yell, he should not yell, but the poor boy has so much on his plate (add on that I have cancer), it feels unfair to punish the same, timeout the same, etc. It's a big catch-22 for a parent!

    I was told by my wife that they said I would not be able to physical help the children after my surgery for 6-8 weeks, and I was like well I had surgery November so that is like early Jan. Well, it was from discharge which was more like early December, being "ready" by mid-end January!

    And that is medical crap. I feel much better, but the radio is draining and time consuming. When they need diaper changes, or feeding, or motor skill related stuff its very overwhelming for me. I can't imagine fully how my wife is doing the day to day, when you add in we need her to drive me to appointments, cleaning, house stuff etc.

    She was luckily a stay-at-home mum by choice, but I wasn't expecting to not be the bread-winner and get afflicted, etc. The transition is tough, the lifestyle is unwarranted, etc.

    End result? I'm positive. So is she. She has bad memories about the house, but the kids smiles and attitude will help. I know I will get more faculties back as they return slowly. This message would of never happened in December, and now I'm reaching out with my "diagnosis" more everyday.

    I met Matt via a subscription to a group, a name that was recommended, the subscription came from a comment on my blog that I started writing in the hopes it would help another unlucky one in 2.5 million medullo adult.

    So, for you, I think we all need time. It's hard as an adult to accept that, but now is time to literally smell the roses. When was the last time you smelt a flower that looked great? Me neither. What a concept!

    All the best, I hope your feeling well.