Are any of you religious? I am seriously having an emotional struggle tonight understanding why things "happen for a reason". Is it okay to watch your partner live in pain every single day? Or to be consistently nauseous? It's just not fair....

Frustrated and emotional....


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  • Dear Hlayman,
    Even though I am not that religious, I believe that you cannot see the 'reason' for things in the short-term. I strongly think that after some time you`ll see the reason for this all. We never know why the most terrible things happen to our closest, sweetest and greatest people, but if we won`t think that there is an explanation for this, how can we comfort ourselves then? Of course it`s awful to see the pain in your partner and not being able to help or to ease the pain. But you have to believe that everything will be solved soon, and your loved one will get all the greatest things one has deserved! Keep faith and be as strong as you can!
    Warmly, Carrie
  • I'm not currently religious but I grew up in a very devout and religously conservative home. When I was diagnosed my mother wanted cancer to be what brought me back to god and faith and ultimately, church. It didn't. Or at least hasn't. For her, faith is the only way she could cope with my cancer because it gives her hope. For me, it just opened the floodgates to too many "why me" type questions.

    During chemo I was so focused on the physical issues of coping that the emotional questions of "why me?" and "why now" just didn't hit me like they did my friends and family. Now that I am nearly finished (30 more rounds of radiation to go), those emotional questions have caught up with me. I don't have any answers but one question that has inexplicably given me strength is "why not me?" I have the strength to endure this (even if just barely) and I really believe down the line I will see how the experience has shaped me into - hopefully - a better person. It isn't as if I would wish this year on anyone else instead of me because I know how difficult it has been. But there is some small amount of solace in knowing that even though it is really awful, it ultimately can't break me as a person and if there is a god up there watching all this, he must know that as well.

    I'm not sure if any of this makes sense or helps you at all. I just wanted to ultimately say - you aren't alone in this. There are times when the burden of cancer feels like too much but clearly you have the strength for it because you have come this far. My thoughts are with you and your husband.