Feeling weird....

I'm getting ready to receive external beam radiation on my throat 5 days a week for 6.5 weeks. Since I live an hour away from my treatment facility, my doctor recommended that I stay at the American Cancer Society Hope Lodge.

I'm very grateful that this place exists and that I don't have to travel everyday.... but I guess I'm just having problems "coping" or "dealing" with the fact that I'm sick enough (or will be sick enough from my treatment) to stay here... at a CANCER lodge.

I dunno...people always told me that thyroid cancer was the "good kind", and while it frustrated me because no cancer is good...and every cancer comes with it's "pros" (as much as you can call them that) and "cons", I guess mine just didn't really "feel" like cancer until now. It didn't feel life threatening or serious. It was just "here lets cut you, follow this diet, swallow this pill, let's cut you some more, take your medicine..."

I'm not sure how to explain it....let me know if you figure it out, lol. Thanks for reading my post!


  • 10 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • What you're feeling sounds completely understandable. It sounds like it's easier (in getting to the hospital) by staying at this place. If you want to talk more, we're all here for you. *hugs*
  • my family tried to get into one of these in Houston...the waiting list was so long, we never made it in during the time I needed it.

    we rented a mobile home trailer for a month while I needed it during my treatment. it wasn't ideal for a lot of reasons...it was uncomfortable, the bathroom was tiny, there were STEPS to the front door, no shaded area outside to sit. but it worked well for a lot of other reasons...it was small so there was always something to hold onto when I needed it to avoid falling down, I didn't have to go far from the bed to the bathroom to the kitchen, it was clean (and cleaned by staff at the mobile home park on a daily basis), it was only 10 min from the hospital, as opposed to 3hrs (where my house was located).

    friends and family helped enough that we were able to afford it.

    I was admitted to the hospital quite often for my treatments, too. my oncologist was sensitive to the difficulty of affording hotel rooms before/after (I had to get a neulasta injection 24hr after my chemo ended) and so he kept me admitted for the extra day so I could get that neulasta injection on my last day. I stayed in the Rotary House (attached to the hospital, special facilities for folks in treatment, rather expensive) once, but couldn't afford it every time.

    you'll figure something out. I would probably have a hard time "feeling" like I was sick if I didn't feel sick. it hit me with such a whirlwind, and the next thing I knew it was a month later and I couldn't even sit up...kinda hard to argue the fact at that point. but eventually you'll come to accept it. I just hope that's a smooth transition for you and that treatment goes more smoothly than not.
  • CareyCarey Community Member
    I had to move to get my bone marrow transplant. It was a bit traumatic because it was the first time that I really felt sick, physically and emotionally, and that having cancer was a big deal. It's not every illness that requires you to move to a new city and all that just so you can the treatment you need. So I get how you're feeling.

    When I moved, I hated my apartment. Don't get me wrong it was clean, fairly nice, and very close to the hospital. It was a corporate rental and I was very lucky that my insurance had a lodging benefit I could use for it. But not being in my comfortable house, with my stuff, and far from alot of my friends and support network made the transition difficult. It will be tough being in an unfamiliar environment and especially so since it sounds like you'll be getting alot of treatment from go. I guess what helped me the most was knowing it was a temporary arrangement. Everyday I told my self this is what I have to do to survive.
  • Thanks guys. I'm enjoying the Hope Lodge a lot....I guess the problem is just I'm coming to more of a realization that I have Cancer, not just like....stuff that needs to come out and pills to swallow. <3
  • *nods* Definitely understand that. It took me a while to realize it too. Hang in there!
  • Hey Fufu,

    Yeah, with thyroid cancer it's really easy to not feel like a sick person. Glad you're enjoying the Hope Lodge - I hope that EBR will work out for you!

    Take care.
  • medstudent;6660 said:
    Hey Fufu,

    Yeah, with thyroid cancer it's really easy to not feel like a sick person. Glad you're enjoying the Hope Lodge - I hope that EBR will work out for you!

    Take care.

    It's just weird... I mean I do feel sick, I just don't feel .... Cancer sick...if that makes sense. Like I keep thinking "surely this wouldn't KILL me....." and sometimes that makes it harder to go through with treatment. It doesn't help that a lot of people don't take thyroid cancer seriously....just makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing here.
  • jadefujadefu Community Member
    It's ok, what your feeling is totally normal. I felt the exact same thing during my treatment. It wasn't until treatment was done that everything really hit me...the magnitude of it all, and how lucky I was. I was so focused on treatment and what I had to do, I pushed the negative crap aside. Then it all hit me and I got depressed. Then I got through that.

    Keep pushing through treatment, we're all here for you too, and have been there and will be glad to listen as much as you need. And you're right, a lot of people don't take thyroid cancer seriously. Or really, just a younger person HAVING cancer seriously, no matter what kind you have! You'll learn who your real friends are.
  • Yeah, people DEFINITELY do not take thyroid cancer seriously. I mean, I know the prognosis is generally good, but it is STILL cancer and still needs to be dealt with. My doc kept telling me I would be just fine and that I had a great prognosis and that this almost never spreads. I was so relieved I asked her, "Well if it doesn't then can I just not have the thyroidectomy at all?" She gave me this LOOK and then I realized that maybe people talk it up a lot as the "good" cancer, but you still have to get rid of it just the same. Probably a good thing I had the thyroidectomy a couple of weeks later, since it had spread to my lymph nodes and invaded one of my throat muscles that had to be cut out along with the cancer.

    Fufu, you're doing the right thing. Just keep at it, and know that we're here if you need to talk. Feel free to PM me.