Some days I miss my old life

I know it's backwards thinking and it's a dangerous road to go down, but some days I miss my old life. I miss us and how we once were. Ben was my life and is my life and now I'm not sure what we are doing anymore or where we are going. We have been married over ten years and together almost eighteen...I feel like cancer is getting us. After everything we've been through, cancer is going to be the reason we don't have a relationship anymore? I can't hardly stomach that! We are truly living side by side and not together much of any way anymore. Sadly our daughter is here too with us in all this. Makes me sad. Like I said some days I miss my old life.

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  • I don't think there's anyone here who doesn't feel that way. I miss weird things...like going to my kid's celebrations at school and not thinking that it might be my last one. Or planning for retirement without wondering if I'll ever really do it. I definitely appreciate things a lot more now, but I definitely miss not being so appreciative. I know it doesn't make sense. We all lose at least a little bit of what we were to make room for this new life.
  • Autumn Dale;6672 said:
    I know it's backwards thinking and it's a dangerous road to go down, but some days I miss my old life. I miss us and how we once were. Ben was my life and is my life and now I'm not sure what we are doing anymore or where we are going. We have been married over ten years and together almost eighteen...I feel like cancer is getting us. After everything we've been through, cancer is going to be the reason we don't have a relationship anymore? I can't hardly stomach that! We are truly living side by side and not together much of any way anymore. Sadly our daughter is here too with us in all this. Makes me sad. Like I said some days I miss my old life.
    I totally understand. My wife has oligoastrocytoma, and is recovering from her second biopsy. She's currently undergoing Avastin and chemo. I thought we were sorta out of the woods for a while until her MRI in December that showed new lesions.

    She's not the same person I married...how could she be? I don't place blame. I just try to understand and continue to wonder where our lives our headed. We're in this together, as much as I can be. But how can you be in something together when the life you started with together is so completely different then anything one might even remotely think of planning for? Layoffs, debt, family drama...All of that is child's play compared to this hell.

    She is in pain, a constant state of depression and has lost her hair, most of which will never grow back. Her confidance is shot and even with me doing anything I can to support her, I just don't know what to do somedays. No parties, no social life, no plans, no joy. Just the day-to-day of wondering what's going to happen tomorrow, in two months, two years? Meanwhile, all our friends are moving on with their lives.

    F U cancer!
  • I will have been married 7 years this summer. My husband is a rock. He gets it and he gets me. I wouldn't be here without him. Our cancer journey started 6 months after we were married. I had breast cancer. Then 4 1/2 years later i was diagnosed with Leukemia. I am in remission now but still recovering from a stem cell transplant and all the treatment.

    I often think about how we've barely lived beyond the patient & caregiver roles that a cancer diagnosis puts you in. I try to give back and take care of him when he's busy at work, etc. but it never feels like enough. I can't wait to be able to look back on these years as the hard times. I also look forward to a marriage and building a relationship beyond cancer treatments.

    Suffice to say that I miss my old life too...but I'm not even sure what I'm missing!

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