I know it's backwards thinking and it's a dangerous road to go down, but some days I miss my old life. I miss us and how we once were. Ben was my life and is my life and now I'm not sure what we are doing anymore or where we are going. We have been married over ten years and together almost eighteen...I feel like cancer is getting us. After everything we've been through, cancer is going to be the reason we don't have a relationship anymore? I can't hardly stomach that! We are truly living side by side and not together much of any way anymore. Sadly our daughter is here too with us in all this. Makes me sad. Like I said some days I miss my old life.