So I can't have biological kids...and?? / Instant menopause (just add water)

After recent testing, the endo cancer is still present (not a shock). It looks like I'd need to be on the drug for about a year and MAYBE I'd be cancer free in 12 months and maybe then we could go through fertility treatments. Upon receiving the news, my husband and I immediately agreed - there's too much risk and no guarantees - it's radical hysterectomy time (it's scheduled and coming quickly).

Not having a biological kid isn't the end of the world for us. It is however the end of the world for everyone else.

"It's not fair, you should be able to have your own kids": Get over it. Sure, it stung at first but being alive seemed more desirable to me. We'll have kids through the gift of adoption and they'll be my "own kids". Thanks for being open minded.

"Well at least you won't get a period anymore": You're absolutely right - my immediate freefall into menopause in my mid-late 30's is so much better than having a period every 28 days and reaching menopause gradually. Not only will I have to go for continued annual colon, stomach and pancreatic cancer screenings (oh yeah, and that funky bladder duct cancer thingy), but I'll have to find a cardiologist now to make sure I'm keeping cardiovascular disease at bay while undergoing hormone replacement therapy and living without ovaries. Sounds like a freakin' party to me.


Thank you for listening/reading.


  • 4 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • Firstly, I hope that the cancer goes away and stays away.

    As someone who was adopted, that kind of phrase really annoys me. I'm sorry that people are being like that to you. They should know better. I've had people say that sort of thing - my parents weren't my real parents - so anyone putting down adoption as an option makes me unhappy.

    Sounds like a busy schedule. I'd personally like no periods, but the whole diving into menopause? That doesn't sound fun. I just hope things go well for you. Good luck!
  • I keep getting family asking me when my wife and I will have kids. they KNOW I damn near died from cancer. they KNOW I had 9 months of intensive chemotherapy. yet they have no idea that my fertility might be trashed. I honestly don't know yet. I have not been tested - been too busy trying to finish my degree to think about starting a family right now.

    when they ask me these questions, I just say "maybe". I get a lot of puzzled looks, but if they can't figure it out on their own, I'm not going to spell the gory details every single time someone asks. however, with moving back to my hometown, I'm sure the question is going to keep getting asked every time I see family and at some point, I'm going to go off and EVERYONE will get to hear the gory details about how the chemotherapy very well may have fried my testicles and it may be impossible to have my own biological children and other options are on the table, but are personal issues and will not be discussed with family until the decision has been made.

    personally, I don't want fertility treatments. I don't like the idea of fertility treatments just to have a child with my DNA. what I do like is the idea of adoption. lots of kids need loving homes. I think my wife would be willing to go the fertility treatment route if I wanted to, but so far she's okay with my desire not to. and she's also okay with adopting if that ends up being our best choice.

    I wish you well with your continued treatment.
  • Thanks CCL and MT! My husband's right there with you CCL - he's adopted as well and understands completely.

    MT, we had family asking us pretty regularly (mostly the parents) when we were going to get around to having kids - AS IF IT'S THEIR BUSINESS!! I put my foot down at one point and told them flat out to stop asking - and they did. So when our old cat died, they started asking us when we were going to get another cat.
  • Ouch. I've had the same thing happen to me LS (the cat incident). In fact, it happened the day after I had to put my cat to sleep. I'm not sure why people act that way. It doesn't make any sense at all (whether it's cats or kids). So major hugs to you and your husband!